The Daily Dose/September 18, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
In The News
All right NFL, this is getting ridiculous. The Week 1 tie game was bad enough, but another tie game in Week 2 adds insult to injury. We’ve said this before – like last week for instance – and we will say it again:
Every NFL game must have a winner!
Too many people pay too much money to watch and broadcast NFL games for there still to be tied games. Plus, to have a playoff berth depending on a game that was neither won nor lost is silly. (The NFL records ties as half a win and half a loss for the purposes of figuring winning percentage.)
We have a solution, an overtime system that will be fast and easy and guarantees a winner, three elements noticeably absent from the NFL’s current overtime procedure. We call it the Scrimmage Point System. It’s similar to regular football, except there is no clock nor can you kick field goals or punt.
Team A gets the ball on the 50-yard line. They run four plays. At the end of four plays, they surrender the ball to Team B, who has four plays to advance the ball past the 50-yard line. If they do Team B is awarded one scrimmage point and wins the game. If they do not advance the ball past midfield, Team A is awarded the scrimmage point and they win the game. The only way the overtime continues for another go-round is if Team A puts the ball in the end zone. Then Team B gets the ball on the 50-yard line and they have to put the ball in the end zone to continue. If they don’t, Team A gets the scrimmage point and wins the game.
Today at the Site
Sparrow has a follow-up visit at the dentist on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. Plus, he gets the battery in his watch replaced and he reports for his first shift at the retailer since last Tuesday.
I am getting a lot of mileage out of the “my mouth no longer looks like an archaeological dig” line…I’ve used it on The Wife, who laffed, of course, and I used it at the dentist’s office today, where it also got good laffs, but I just dropped two grand there so I could’ve farted and gotten laffs…
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 4 moves today, too. UTEP is still #1, with New Mexico State right behind them and with these two misfits meeting this weekend, fans of both teams are looking for the nearest gas pipe.
Now we know why Huskers offered to play canceled opener vs. Akron on airport runway at zero dark thirty on a Sunday morning: it was their best chance to win in 2018…B-10 staffers rushing to get B-10 welcoming kit out to new Husker coaching staff…Kit includes information on removing tar, feathers from body and U-Haul’s top-secret Quik-Get-A-Way 800 number.
The Thought for the Day will return. Promise.
On This Date
In 1851 – The New York Times, then known as The New-York Daily Times, publishes its first edition. It would become The New York Times in 1857 and with the exception of four holidays in the 1850’s and strikes in 1962-63, 1965 and 1978, has published every day since. It has earned 125 Pulitzer Prizes.
In 1996 – Roger Clemens of the Boston Red Sox becomes the only person to strike out 20 batters in a nine-inning game twice in a 4-0 victory over the Detroit Tigers. In 1986 Clemens and struck out 20 Seattle Mariners. The mark was equaled by Kerry Wood of the Chicago Cubs in 1998 and Max Scherzer of the Washington Nationals in 2016.
In 1961 – George Jones is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart, then known as the Hot C&W Sides chart, with Tender Years. The song, in its fifth week at #1, would drop from the top spot the following week before returning to #1 for two more weeks and was the second of 13 #1 country songs for Jones. Tender Years went to #76 on the Billboard Hot 100 and remains Jones’ biggest Hot 100 hit.
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Baby Love was the Supremes’ song that spent the most weeks at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100, four weeks.
Today’s Stumper
What other major league pitcher struck out 20 batters in a game? – Answer next time!
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