Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Tuesday, June 23
Good gravy, I was bothered early on at the hotel as nobody wanted to leave me alone…They all said let’s go see what’s shaking with Sparrow…Arrivals, walk-ins, even an online reservation made just before midnight, you name it.
The first came right after I reported for duty and Q had, conveniently, fled…He had a reservation and check-in was a snap…Then a tall guy walks in requesting a room, letting it be known he didn’t want to spend a goddamn fortune, either…
ProTip: Don’t sashay into a lobby announcing you’re cheap…Your front desk clerk takes all factors into consideration when quoting you a rate, one of the biggest being whether he likes you or not, so when the system quoted a $109 rate, plus tax, I dutifully passed it on to the dude without knocking my usual $20 off…The highlight of this check-in came when I had the nerve to ask for a credit card…He fidgeted a bit before asking:
Does it have to be the same name?
Uh, yeah, ideally, I thought to myself…I was gracious about it, tho, saying if it wasn’t too inconvenient, you know, we would appreciate it, so he heads out and drags in his girlfriend, who the card is issued to…For some reason, I would not have passed out from shock had the card been declined, but it went thru and I sent them off in good spirits…Later, the guy came back to buy some sundry stand stuff and he grunted at me to announces his presence instead of ringing the bell…I heard him but, typically peeved, I decided to make him wait and then he beckoned me by saying “Yo”!!!
I am not making that up…Dude, don’t “yo” me…I am not your home slice and I wanted to go out and attack him with my pocket knife, but that would be a violation of company policy, I think, so eventually I wandered out and he had some sundry items to buy…His girlfriend’s debit card was trotted out again for payment and I thought he must be a hell of a lay to get a broad to pay his expenses for him.
Then I got off a funny line with another guest buying some goodies…He asked if I could “put these on 266’s room” and I said sure, followed by the Classic Sparrow Pause (CSP):
Are you staying in 266, sir?
Now, here is the problem with being obliged to wear a mask: there was no way he could see my friendly grin showing a joke was forthcoming…Had he, he might’ve laffed but as it was he informed me that yes, he was in fact staying in 266, leaving ol’ Sparrow to sulk at my unappreciated line while ringing up the transaction.
Despite the bell and sign being out, I was getting grunted at left and right…About 0100, well after the night audit had been completed – this neanderthal stumbles and grunts like he’s trying to attract a mate and I go out and he somehow manages to communicate the fact he was under the impression someone from work had reserved two rooms for him…Well, no, they hadn’t…His employer did have rooms in house, but there weren’t any notes advising they were vacant and awaiting an arrival (and these rooms weren’t no-shows either, another clue), so I couldn’t very well put him into one of their current rooms…So I rented him two rooms for him and his crew, and he paid cash for them, almost $500, total.
Now, regular reader of this crap should be sufficiently up on front desk procedures to know that even though this is a two-night stay for billing purposes since the night audit has already concluded the date has rolled over and it will show one night in the system, so we have to go to each room and post room and tax for one night, so his folio actually shows we owe him some money which, of course, will be taken off when Tuesday night’s room and tax is posted.
It was sufficiently busy that drawers weren’t counted until just before midnight and I was so discombobulated I started generating the post-audit reports before I’d even done the audit…While delivering folios I found pizza and cigarettes in the hallways and threw both away…Some will take the smokes to the back office in case somebody comes to claim them but I don’t…It’s unlikely someone laced them with angel dust as a prank but you never know…Now, if I was really thorough I would have soaked them in water, but I merely tossed them in the trash.
Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1000 Tuesday until 1900 Tuesday, a strong 9.0 hours for the day and an OK 20.0 hours for the week.
I slept right thru workout, too…I didn’t plan on that, I planned on lifting, but when the body says sleep you sleep…Almost interesting is the fact I didn’t sleep straight thru, tho…I was, of course, up at 1300 or so to use the can, but then I was up at 1730 feeling pretty good but said screw it and rolled over for an hour and then said screw it again and rolled but had the foresight to set the alarm for 2130 just in case.
The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.
It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.
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