Read Free Sunday (RFS) at The Diary is in full effect.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Saturday, December 10
While the remodeling of the lobby is coming along nicely, the back office – where I spend most of the nite – is a construction zone…Good gravy, there was room to walk – and, more importantly, sit – back there but there were storage bins and tools and no small amount of dust…The microwave was even unplugged, it’s spot in the outlet taken by an extension cord that had a heater that was in the lady’s bathroom plugged into it…This meant that for preparation of what tonite was Lima Beans a la Sparrow, we had to unplug the extension cord
The knife got some work tonite because Chris couldn’t be bothered to replace the box of European Blend coffee in the back office, leaving me with three sacks…This really should’ve been replaced by Chris instead of bagging me with it, but it’s OK because it’s always good to get the knife some reps because not only did the new box need to be opened, but the old box had to be broken down, too, of course…The only downside was the French Roast box was more than half full and didn’t need replacing and there weren’t any creamer boxes to open, either.
The plan for the day was to get to sleep immediately, sleep for six hours or so and be up in time for both a workout and the hotel Christmas party…It didn’t work out because we had trouble getting to sleep (see Sleep Log below)…So no workout, which is probably just as well because the way we ate at the hotel Christmas party would’ve negated any gains we would’ve made lifting weights…Some might think that the work would help burn off the enormous amount of calories taken, but it doesn’t work that way; your work in the gym is maximized with good nutrition.
The spread at the party was really good, in particular the pork belly – which is really code for extra thick-cut bacon with more fat – and the bison macaroni and cheese, which Satan created on the Seventh Day while He rested…Or maybe He created it on the Seventh Day while Satan was creating golf…Whoever created it, tho, should be given a government pension.
We sat at a table with Mark, his woman Jill, Amy and her nephew, and Q…As usual for the hotel Christmas party, we were watching Q to see how much free booze he would consume and it really wasn’t that much as opposed to past years, where the policy was one right after the other…There was a funny line with Q, too…He had just finished inhaling his second one (that we’d counted; it could’ve been more) and he smacked his lips and sighed contentedly:
– The nite is still young…
I waved a hand.
– Damn right it is…There’s still plenty of time for excessive drinking and even awkward, inappropriate social interactions, Q…If you had a driver’s license and a car, which you don’t, you could probably even get a DUI, too.
Ol’ Sparrow did pretty good in the present department…Every year they pass out tickets for a drawing for some pretty nice stuff – about half of us get something – and ol’ Sparrow’s ticket, number 040, was drawn second and we picked up a nice Kitchen Aid electric mixer something we have about as much use for as a case of the clap…The good news is tho, there are no shortage of wives there so there was a good chance we’d end up trading with a chick…Amy, in fact, showed an interest in it and she had some really suh-weet headphones to trade, but she wanted to wait to see what else was out there.
Too bad for Amy…You snooze, you lose, woman…Immediately after the drawing was over Heidi – yes, Heidi – came over and offered to trade her $200 restaurant gift card for my mixer…This required no thought at all; an immediate deal was struck because if I turn her down and Amy ends trading her headphones for something else BOOM ol’ Sparrow is screwed and stuck with a kitchen implement he has some zero use for…This wasn’t the only deal we swung with Heidi, tonite, either…In the gift exchange, she offered to trade her blue, fuzzy blanket for my glasses that had some holiday crap on them and I snapped that up, too.
(Later, Heidi’s husband Kent came over to lament the fact there’s no room in their kitchen for the mixer, tho he expressed hope his beloved wife might pass it off of on their daughter.)
The big news is we didn’t leave with the blanket, tho…At another table was a maid for whom English is but a dream and she had gotten stuck with a card game where a working knowledge of English is required and we swapped and, now that I think about it, we didn’t even end up with that because I had almost as little use for it as the maid did and we ended up giving it to Jill.
Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1030 Saturday until 1630 Saturday…6.0 hours for the day and 43.0 hours for the week, a dismal total that probably could’ve been exceeded as a scout with the Lewis and Clark Expedition. It’s a full 16 hours less than last week’s heroic PB of 59 hours – tho, of course, we were on vacation last week – and about nine hours less than the new average.
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The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.
It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.
Coming soon! Gaylon’s books in actual book form!
