The Daily Dose/September 6, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. American Sports – Virus Era proving it’s pointless to play games without us fans in attendance…Yes, they are official league games and History will duly record the results, TV network checks will be cashed and trophies will be issued, but it means nothing without us. Especially silly are moments of silence in empty stadiums.
2. American Sports II – On the other hand, people pay good money to have shows about people building motorcycles delivered to their homes, so we’ll watch anything…Besides, we’re all too fat to sit in those narrow seats anyway and it saves us from having to fork over money we’re not making anyway. …Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” empty stadiums wave of future, as leagues could go pro wrestling on us and have exciting, predetermined outcomes.
3. Permission Structure – Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” they have no idea what this is, just like the president doesn’t have any idea what it is…Further proof – as if any was required – that this Administration is led by a president who is utter dolt, incapable of doing anything of substance.
4. Fake News – Click here to see what some of our fellow humans were actually believing this week.
5. President Trump Fact Check – The Sunday Bottom 5 five-hole staple, click here for the latest lies.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
It’s Read Free Sunday. Everything’s with our compliments.
The Diary of a Nobody: Not every guest is all that bright.
…this meant I couldn’t extend anyone and we got two of those requests and one guy didn’t take it well.
– I’m sorry, sir we’re sold out for tonight. I’m unable to extend your stay.
– I’m already here. You have to take me.Well, no we don’t…This reminded me of the dolt in Sin City who wanted to “prepone” his reservation when he showed up a day early and we were sold out. In both cases there is nothing to do but say no because, as we’ve noted here, you can’t crap available rooms…Either you have rooms or you don’t.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Gaylon is cornered by Schempp.
Schempp finds me in short order and corners me on the southeast corner of level five. I try to get away with a greeting and wave but nothing doing, Schempp maneuvers his bike so my only options are running over Schempp or stopping and listening to Schempp.
Judy would later say I should have run him over for the good of the crew.
Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
The Regular Guys
Coming soon! Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up and become the biggest act in show business.
Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal.
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1522 – The Victoria becomes the first ship to circumnavigate the earth, returning to Spain three years after setting sail as one of five ships in an expedition commanded by Ferdinand Magellan. The expedition had left with roughly 265 men, but only Victoria, commanded by Juan Sebastian Elcano, returned, with a crew of 18. The ship had sailed over 42,000 nautical miles, and returned home with torn sails and needing to have water continuously pumped out. Magellan had died in what is now the Philippines in 1521.
In 1981 – Fernando Valenzuela of the Los Angeles Dodgers ties the modern National League record for most shutouts by a rookie in a 5-0 victory over the St Louis Cardinals. It was the seventh shutout of the season for Valenzuela and research into whose record he tied was inconclusive. Valenzuela would finish the season with eight shutouts which tied the modern major league record for shutouts by a rookie, eight, which had been done twice (Russ Ford, New York Highlanders – now the Yankees – 1910 and Reb Russell, Chicago White Sox, 1913).
In 1975 – Glenn Campbell is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Rhinestone Cowboy. The song also went to #1 in Ireland, Yugoslavia and Canada, peaked at #4 in Great Britain and also spent two weeks at #1 on Billboard’s country chart. It was the first of two #1 pop songs for Campbell (Southern Nights, two weeks, 1977) and his third of four country #1s. The song was written by Larry Weiss, whose 1974 version peaked at #24 on Billboard’s Adult Contemporary chart.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
In this I resembled a great many contemporary Sophists who – having no ideas of their own – string together the unrelated sayings of the distinguished dead and think themselves as wise as those they quote. – Gore Vidal, Julian
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The West Side Tennis Club in Queens, New York City, held the US National Championships/US Open from 1915-20 and then from 1924-77.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many shutouts did Fernando Valenzuela have in his career? – Answer next time!
