The Daily Dose/July 5, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. American Media – Hey guys, thanks for bombarding us with news of the rise in COVID-19 cases…This was to be expected as testing increases and Americans grow weary of wearing masks…Deaths are down and continue to drop and the death rate amongst close cases was at 7.7% Saturday, down from 22.4% on April 1o…We’re getting over it…Please, stop the fear-mongering.
2. Gaylon For US Senate – Now-perennial candidate with severe grandeur delusions can’t even win small-party primary, getting only 38% of the vote in Tuesday, as Colorado residents officially “grateful” they won’t be able to not vote for him on general election ballot for first time since 2012.
3. Colorado Libertarian Party – Hey guys, you had two good candidates for your US Senate nomination and only 12% of you bothered to vote in an election that required nothing more taxing than opening and letter, blocking out a circle, and mailing it back in…Shame on you.
4. American Sports – You know, enough college and professional players are either testing positive or declining to play your made-for-TV seasons that you should probably shut everything down…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” you should stay shut down until it’s safe for us to pay our way into stadiums and arenas again.
5. President Trump Fact Check – A Dynamic Duo tag-team for you today, as both President Trump and Vice President Pence prove equally competent liars. Click here for this week’s fact check, courtesy of the Associated Press.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: The grass in the yard next door is no longer chest high. Today’s Diary.
The big news is my neighbor, the one who bought the abandoned house next door so he can build a weed store, finally got around to having his yard mowed…It’s the first time all year and some of it was chest high…About time…Almost interesting is the fact he stopped at the property line, so there’s an immediate demarcation, which looks bad, but what are you going to do.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: The dome gets buffing action.
Jackie enthusiastically buffed the dome during changeover tonight. I had walked up to her meekly and asked if she would like to buff.
“YES!” she said commandingly, wringing her hands together. She all but breastfed me as she buffed with both hands.
Friends, the $2.99 special for your two fave features won’t last forever, so click on the button to get in on the laffs.
On This Date
History’s long march to today
In 1687 – Mathematical Principles for Natural Philosophy – commonly known as The Principia – by Sir Isaac Newton is published by the Royal Society. The Principia deals mainly with the movement of large bodies and was born out of conversations Newton had with Edmund Halley concerning planetary motion. Newton published updated volumes in 1713 and 1726 and The Principia remains one of the most important works in the history of science. Publication costs were paid by Halley because the Society had lost a lot of money on its prior publication, Of The History of Fish, the year before.
In 1993 – Rickey Henderson of the Oakland A’s becomes the second major league player to lead off both games of a doubleheader with home runs in a 6-5 win and a 6-2 loss to the Cleveland Indians. Henderson equaled the feat first done in 1913 by Harry Hooper of the Boston Red Sox and later equaled by Brady Anderson of the Baltimore Orioles in 1999 and Ronald Acuna, Jr, of the Atlanta Braves in 2018.
In 1941 – Jimmy Dorsey is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Selling Singles chart – Billboard’s first pop singles chart and the forerunner of every other Billboard chart – for the second and final non-consecutive week with Maria Elena. It was the third of five #1 songs for Dorsey during the year, then a record for most #1 songs on a Billboard pop chart and a mark that is now held by the Beatles, who had six #1 songs in 1964. The vocals were sung by Bob Eberly.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Citizens no longer listened to good advice, for the belly has no ears. – Cato
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Tom Browning won 123 games in his eleven-year major league career.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What act had the most #1 hits in the 1940s? – Answer next time!
