The Daily Dose/August 9, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. American Electorate – 86 days until election where American voters will herald to the world – and themselves – whether they’re content to continue driving their country into the ground or are ready to make some changes…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters were once “pretty sure” once-proud country had until half-century out to do something, but are now less sure of that.
2. College Football – Mid-American Conference (MAC) becomes first major division collegiate conference to throw in towel on 2020 season, freeing up Saturday afternoons for the few dozen fans that actually attended games…Nobody really cares about MAC football, but this does set stage for real conferences to follow suit.
3. The Bottom Ten – Venerable American institution considering suspending operations for 2020 (2020) as it will be difficult to fill out all ten slots without MAC participation….Bottom Ten pollsters reportedly scurrying to find replacement content, with rankings of President Trump tweets, bourbons, frozen foods, all being considered.
4. GOP – 46th anniversary Nixon resignation has nation longing for simpler time when GOP presidents were merely corrupt, not also ignorant narcissists…Currently reduced to offering lying sexual predator who believes moon is part of Mars for reelection, GOP has not produced decent elected president since Eisenhower with Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” GOP should just go away.
5. President Trump Fact Check – A doubleheader for you today…Click here and here to read America’s Liar-in-Chief lie and misinform on a broad range of topics, from pre-existing conditions to mail-in voting and a COVID vaccine.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: At the hotel, Sparrow comes across some cashews. Today’s Diary.
The big news is while I was out delivering folios I stopped in to see what shaking in the housekeeping office – done occasionally just for funsies, there’s no official reason to be in the housekeeping office – and Head Housekeeper Gloria had a container of whole, roasted/salted/whatever cashews on the ledge above her desk…These immediately grab my interest as cashews are an official Sparrow Problem Food (SPF) and, out of habit, I open the container and take a few.
The working cashew predator has to be careful, here tho…If it’s just opened, a handful taken from an almost full jar is liable to be noted, similar to if its taken from an almost empty jar, but the jar was half full, perfect for my purposes.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Special Ed gets a haircut in the briefing room.
And Special Ed even got a haircut before he went on day shift! It was funny. Ed had tried giving himself a haircut at home and butchered it so miserably that someone brought clippers in and actually gave him a rather serviceable trim. It wasn’t Haircut of the Year, but at least his hair no longer looked like it had been attacked by a pissed off badger.
We also ragged him about whether or not he was going to color his hair, because the gray was starting to return. Ed colors his hair a really awful shade of brown that makes his hair look like an old pair of loafers.
“Ed,” I asked. “You going to be using that liquid shoe polish again?” To emphasize my point, I made a fist and waved it over the top of my head as if I were applying liquid shoe polish. Like it should have, it got really good laughs and Special Ed told me to go fuck myself.
Click here for the first two months of complimentary entries.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables/Chapter 12 – Monica: Monica chats about herself and our hero.
I wanted to write to him, but I didn’t. I had no idea how he was feeling towards me. I wanted to visit but I didn’t know if either of us could take it and I couldn’t bear his rejection. We had a bond, but he was my pimp and I was never anything more than laughs and luxury to him. He was one of nature’s bachelors who took us women when it suited him. It was easier to ignore our bond than to face the prospect of drawing any benefits from it, even though we could have both used them.
I regretted it because I owed him so much. Had Rachel not come up and said hi at the bar that night I wouldn’t have my splendid chateau or my Rolls or any other nice thing I possess. Who knows how I would have ended up. I’d probably have kids and an ex-husband or two and be fat and ugly instead of having at one time been our planet’s most desired woman.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
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On This Date
History’s long march to today.
In 1173 – Construction begins on the bell tower of a cathedral in Pisa, Italy – a tower today known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The tower began to sink as early as 1178 when the second floor was added and construction was not completed until the bell-chamber was finished in 1392. Today the tower stands 183 feet high and lists at an angle of 3.97 degrees.
In 1984 – Daley Thompson of Great Britain becomes the second person to win consecutive Olympic decathlons at the Los Angeles Summer Games. Thompson won the 100-meters, long jump and the 400-meters and finished with 8,789 points. Thompson had won the event at the Moscow Games in 1980, duplicating the feat of Bob Mathias (USA, London 1948, Helsinki, 1952) and later matched by Ashton Eaton of the US at London in 2012 and Rio de Janeiro in 2016.
In 1975 – The Bee Gees are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Jive Talkin’. It was the second of nine #1 songs for the group and their fifth of 15 Top 10 hits. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #5 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 11th biggest song of the year. The song was from their album Main Course and was later included in the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, though the scene it was included in was later cut from the film.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…a day has to pass eventually. – Jules Verne, Journey to the Center of the Earth
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Great Britain was the first country to colonize Singapore, in 1819.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many #1 songs have the Bee Gees had in their native Australia? – Answer next time!
