The Daily Dose/September 12, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.
HUT, HUT HIKE: We’ve had some minor whining about the fact we are not producing an NFL Bottom Ten this season, despite the fact the NFL season is in progress.
We’re Going To Get Some Dry, Technical Matter, Aren’t We?: There are a couple of reasons for this. One, the NCAA Bottom Ten isn’t being run because not every college is playing football, including the Mid-American Conference (MAC) and because the MAC sometimes has three teams in a survey, there is no point to an NCAA Bottom Ten without MAC participation.
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Really, though, your Bottom Ten pollsters are “pretty sure” there’s no point to sports without fans in attendance. Writing is mainly inspiration and every word you read here comes from the heart, regardless of how anyone might feel about it or whether or not anyone chooses to pay for it. And there was simply no inspiration to write The Bottom Ten this year, making it, perhaps, the biggest casualty of the Virus Era.
The Bottom Line: We’ve always felt that our only job as a writer is to say what we feel needs to be said every time we sit down to ply this trade. If what you are writing is not exactly what you should be doing with your life, then you’re not writing, you’re typing and any original Bottom Ten content would have been forced. You and I both deserve better than that.
Editor’s Note: there is a 2020 Bottom Ten, however. The NCAA version is running best of columns from years past, while the NFL Bottom Ten is chronicling the Cleveland Browns’ 2017 0-16 campaign. They run Tuesdays and Wednesdays or, sometimes Wednesdays and Thursdays. It depends.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow goes to Waffle House.
My usual value menu $1 sausage biscuits weren’t on the menu, so, feeling frisky I decided to completely do away with routine and skipped my other usual, the sausage sandwich on Texas toast, and looked for a new unhealthy habit to start.
It didn’t look promising at first, tho, because ol’ Sparrow completely misread the menu and thought a single waffle cost $8.99, an admirable profit on some heated up batter…Further examination, tho, showed the waffle was merely one component of the All-Star Breakfast, a feast that included not only a waffle but two eggs, your choice of grits or their famous hash browns and your choice of bacon, sausage or ham plus toast…
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: A particularly favored cocktail waitress is leaving.
I was devastated when Rich told me. Regina was the total package, ‘one hell of a broad’ as Rich called her, which for the understated Rich is the ultimate compliment.
Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal.
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1990 – A peace and independence treaty between East and West Germany and the United States, Soviet Union, France and the United Kingdom is signed in Moscow. The treaty saw the Four Powers renounce all rights they’d had in Germany since the end of World War II and allowed for East and West Germany to reunify in October. The two Germanys had been separate countries since 1949.
In 1947 – Ralph Kiner of the Pittsburgh Pirates establishes a new major league record for most home runs in four consecutive games in a 4-3 victory over the Boston Braves. Kiner had two home runs in the game, giving him eight in the past four games to break the record of seven home runs in four games, done by Tony Lazerri of the New York Yankees in 1936. The streak ended the following day against the Braves and the record still stands.
In 1960 – Elvis Presley is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the fifth and final week with It’s Now or Never. The song also went to #1 in nine other countries, including Norway and Great Britain, peaked at #7 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s seventh biggest song of the year. The song returned to the Hot 100 in 1981 when a version by John Schneider peaked at #14. It was the 14th of 18 #1 songs for Presley.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
History is idle gossip about a happening whose truth is lost the instant it has taken place. – Gore Vidal, Julian
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Ty Cobb broke Cap Anson’s all-time major league hit mark with his 3,346th hit in 1923.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Which Elvis song spent the most weeks at #1? – Answer next time!
