The Daily Dose/Thursday, December 19, 2019

The Daily Dose/December 19, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

GET OUT YOUR HISTORY BOOKS: Donald Trump became the third president of the United States impeached by the House of Representatives Wednesday, 

Dry, Technical Matter: Trump joins Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton as presidents who have been impeached. Both were acquitted in their US Senate trials, Johnson by one vote. And barring a palace coup, Trump is expected to be acquitted in whatever the US Senate decides to pass off as a trial. 

More Dry, Technical Matter: How the Senate decides to adjudicate the articles is entirely up to them, just like the impeachment process was conducted at the sole discretion of the House. It is entirely possible Republican senators will convene one day, approve a motion to dismiss the articles and then call it a day. We think that’s about as likely as a palace coup that would convict the president, but the Senate could do that without anyone being able to say word one about it. 

Please Pass The Dry, Technical Matter: Nobody should be surprised at any of this because both impeachment articles stem from actions that are part and parcel of how Trump does business. Article One charges him with improperly pressuring Ukraine to conduct investigations that would benefit him. 

This is hardly a bulletin because Trump has been manipulating people for his own gain since he left the womb. Trump is obstructing something detrimental to him, as charged in Article Two? This, too, is straight out of the Trump playbook. 

This Whole Column Was Dry, Technical Matter, Wasn’t It?: President Trump’s US Senate trial will probably begin in January. For reference, Andrew Johnson’s trial began March 6, 1868, and adjourned May 26, a period which included a ten-day recess, and Bill Clinton’s trial lasted from January 7, 1999, until February 12. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets some face time with Kelly, his department head at the VSO. Today’s Diary. 

I told her I had some concerns, namely that the VSO has a private office that is out of the way…Veterans talk about a lot of personal things, both things associated with their claims and unrelated stuff that still bugs them about their service…She nodded and said she agreed with me and mentioned something about a cubicle and an interview room and I said no, a cubicle and an interview room would not be acceptable and, honestly, I had no problems with staying where I am now, something she doesn’t like at all…

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Final: Like a colonoscopy, it’s all over, the race for the ESPNCup concluded with Akron, UMess and UTEP earning spots on the final Bottom Ten medal stand.

Here are some funny lines for this week’s NCAA Bottom Ten:

Miners did rank Dead Last in 4th Down Conversion Defense, allowing first downs on fourth down nine (9) of ten (10) times…It would have been more, but UTEP opponents didn’t face fourth down all that often.

New Mexicans first joint entry to earn final B-10 ranking since Border Patrol entry (Tijuana Tech, Juarez State) in 1952.

Army hampered by pregame Defense Secretary ruling requiring all audibles to be called by yelling “SEA POWER” at top of lungs…NCAA rule requiring victor to score more points than opponent didn’t help either.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 17The Bengals are back on top in the race for the most coveted trophy in sports: The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.

Here are some funny lines from this week’s NFL Bottom Ten:

…the New York Giants blinked, defeating Miami, though it should be pointed out a lot of teams have beaten Miami this season. 

Lost in cacophony over Patriots filming Bengals signals is fact Bengals themselves never knew them in the first place…

Colts defense already in offseason mode, giving up 30.75 ppg in last four outings…

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1932 – The BBC Empire Service, now the BBC World Service, debuts as a shortwave radio service to Commonwealth nations. In their first show, the announcer advised listeners, with typical British understatement, to keep expectations low, as “The programmes will neither be very interesting nor very good”. Shows in other languages began in 1938 and by the end of 1942 shows were aired in all major European languages. Today the BBC World Service broadcasts in English 24-hours a day and also offers programming in over 40 other languages. 

In 1964 – Utah defeats West Virginia 32-6 in the Liberty Bowl. Played at the Atlantic City Convention Hall, it was the first major division bowl game played indoors. (The small college Boardwalk Bowl had first been played there in 1961.) With the exception of eight-yard end zones, the field was regulation size, with a four-inch grass surface on top of two inches of burlap. The Liberty Bowl had debuted in Philadelphia five years earlier and would move to its current home in Memphis the following year. The game, televised by ABC, was the first time an overhead camera had been used in a football broadcast. 

In 1953 – Michael Torok is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Best Selling Retail Folk Records chart – for the second and final consecutive week with Caribbean. It was Torok’s first chart single, the first of his two Top 40 country hits, and the song also peaked at #26 on Billboard’s soul chart. Though Torok had limited chart success as a recording act, he had a successful songwriting career both on his own and with Jim Reeves and with his wife, Gail. Now 90, Torok is lives in south Texas and where he paints and writes songs. 

Quotebook
Franklin was, at one and the same time, a common and most uncommon man. – David Schoenbrun, triumph In Paris: The Exploits of Benjamin Franklin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The fastest human beings have traveled is 24,791 MPH, done by the crew of Apollo 10 when returning to Earth from the moon in 1969.  

Today’s Stumper
How many bowl games were there following the 1964 college football season? – Answer next time!

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