The Daily Dose/December 7, 2021
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.
HUT, HUT HIKE: Regular readers of this crap have come to know and love The Bottom Ten’s annual Bowl Game Edition. Like some great ideas, it was borne out of necessity, founded out of near-desperation when the college football season began ending later, meaning there was an extra week to fill, leaving your Bottom Ten pollsters furiously working their bar tabs to find something to fill it with.
Thank You, Shakespeare: It’s not always easy to write. The bowl game edition is written the day the bowl matchups are released, which isn’t much lead time, and your Bottom Ten pollsters generally find themselves fretting over the column because you can never be entirely certain if any good lines will pop up and sometimes this concern is valid because some years writing the Bowl Game Edition was like pulling teeth.
Not this year, though, as the funny crap you’ve come to know and love started popping up during our initial review of the bowl game schedule, which is rare. Usually, you have to dive in and do some research but not this year. In fact, there were so many funny lines we had to kick our yearly Rose Bowl entry out because it’s The Bottom Ten and not The Bottom Eleven.
The Bottom Line: The 2021 Bowl Game Edition moves today and the paywall is taken down so cheapskate non-subscribers can enjoy it with our compliments. Longtime readers will appreciate the consistency of some regular lines and newcomers will enjoy starting a new tradition. And your Bottom Ten pollsters want you to know their trusty bar tabs are will busy next week, too, as the final NCAA Bottom Ten survey of the season will move next Tuesday.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow is back at the veterans service office. Today’s Diary.
Despite the fact I instructed callers to call back today, there were no less than six voicemails waiting for me and the usual emails and, get this, a business card left on my chair.
I am not making that up…It turned out to be from a guy who had also left a voicemail and here’s a Sparrow ProTip (SPT): do not do this…Your voicemail suffices to get me to contact you…Arranging with your buddy Steve the Facilities Guy to gain entry to my office to leave your lousy card only serves to make you look pushy and not too brite besides.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Bowl Game Edition – Which bowl earns the coveted Bottom Ten Bowl Game of the Year Award? Read it and weep. This week’s Bottom Ten is on the house.
Duke’s Mayo Bowl: Reasons To Watch: You’re curious as to why Duke University diversified into sandwich spreads…
Cheez-It Bowl: Reasons To Watch: You’re wondering which brand of Cheez-Its will be displayed on midfield logo, Original or Extra Toasty, Regular or Grooved.
Armed Forces Bowl: Reasons To Watch: With Lockheed-Martin still title sponsor, you want to see if warranty on target acquisition system you bought to shoot down neighbor’s drones is still valid…
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On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1941 – The Imperial Japanese Navy attacks the United States naval base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. 2,335 Americans were killed, a total of 19 ships were either destroyed or damaged and 188 aircraft were destroyed. The US declared war on Japan the following day with Japan surrendering in 1945. Near-simultaneous attacks in Shanghai, the Philippines, Thailand, Hong Kong, Malaya and the Dutch East Indies were also conducted.
In 1993 – The Detroit Pistons establish a new NBA record for fewest points in the fourth quarter in a 91-89 loss to the Orlando Magic. The Pistons scored six points in the quarter to break the record of seven established in November 1991 by the Houston Rockets. The mark was tied three times before being broken in February 2004 by the Golden State Warriors, who had two points in the fourth quarter of a game against the Toronto Raptors.
In 1963 – The Singing Nun is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Dominique. Sung in French, it was the third of eight foreign language #1 songs on the Hot 100 and was The Singing Nun’s only chart single, making her one of 14 ultimate one-hit wonders – acts whose only hit goes to #1. The song also went to #1 in six other countries including Venezuela and South Africa and peaked at #7 in Great Britain. The Singing Nun was born Jeanine Deckers and remains the only Belgian to have a #1 song in America.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…the bitterness of faction absorbed public energy and devotion…
Will Durant
The Story of Civilization, Vol. II: The Life of Greece
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.
21 years passed between Merle Haggard’s first #1 country song (I’m a Lonesome Fugitive, one week, 1967) and his last (Twinkle, Twinkle Lucky Star, one week, 1988)
Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.
Which NBA team holds the record for most points in a quarter? – Answer next time!
