The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 15
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
If there’s one thing Bottom Fan(s) everywhere know it’s you do not count your Dan Henning Trophies – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – before they’ve hatched. The Cincinnati Bengals are the latest example, their quest for 0-16 and Bottom Ten immortality over after their first win of the year. Granted, it was against the Jets, but Bottom Ten staffers have confirmed the NFL is counting it as a full victory.
Bottom Ten fan(s) were also flummoxed by the win, because all the Bengals had to do to finish 0-16 was finish the season with five (5) straight losses, something they’d been doing every Sunday since Week 5 anyway.
This week’s mess, as the nags are at the head of the stretch:
1. New York Giants (2-10; lost to Green Bay 31-13) – Nobody playing worse football than Giants right now, sashaying into B-10 top spot…Current eight (8)-game skid best since 2004, 2003 squads each lost eight (8) straight…Next Loss: at Philadelphia (12/9)
2. Cincinnati Bengals (1-11; defeated New York Jets 22-6) – Bad-but-not-bad-enough Bengals blow chance for B-10 immorality with first win of 2019…With two games vs. Browns, plus showdown with Dolphins remaining, Bengals not entirely out of B-10 title picture…Next Loss: at Cleveland
3. Atlanta Falcons (3-9; lost to New Orleans 26-18) – Falcons back on B-10 medal stand following revenge loss to Saints team they somehow beat three weeks ago…Offense sets pace with three (3) turnovers, only 89 (89) rushing yards…Next Loss: Carolina
4. Detroit Lions (3-8-1; lost to Chicago 24-20) – Lions returning to B-10 respectability, looking for best season since 2009 squad won two (2) games…NFL looking into ways to have Lions play all 16 games on consecutive days at start of season so they don’t have to televise their games after Veterans Day…Next Loss: at Minnesota
5. Arizona Cardinals (3-8-1; lost to Los Angeles Rams 34-7) – Cardinals remain in hunt for coveted B-10 medal spot with fifth straight loss…B-10 pollsters giving bar tabs extra workout, scrambling to figure out B-10 tiebreaker should Lions, Cardinals – who played to a tie in Week 1, finish with identical records…Next Loss: Pittsburgh
6. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-8; lost to Tampa Bay 28-11) – Owner Ghengis Khan so focused on first B-10 title he orders veteran quarterback who had lost four (4) straight replaced with rookie quarterback in hopes newbie folds under B-10 pressure and plays even worse than veteran…Next Loss: at Los Angeles Chargers
7. NFL – League force-feeding some awful football on fans in 2019…Though entire league at respectable .500 for season, eleven (11) teams have four (4) or fewer victories, three teams have lost at least five (5) straight and 16 teams have lost at least one (1) straight.
8. NFC East (16-32) – NFC East easy pick for weekly, coveted Pete Rozelle Award – issued to NFL’s worst division – as Cowboys in first place with .500 record, two (2)-game losing skid…Cowboys trying to become NFL’s first 7-9 division champion since Seahawks won NFC West in 2010…Next Loss: team
9. New York Jets (4-8; lost to Cincinnati – Cincinnati! – 22-6) – Jets back on B-10 radar after breaking Bengals’ eleven (11)-game skid…Road to B-10 glory will be tough for Jets, though, as B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” no one has ever won B-10 title with four (4) wins…Next Loss: Miami
10. Los Angeles Chargers (0-0; lost to) – Chargers showing mettle of B-10 contender, only losing games by an average of 4.8 points…Recent capacity crowds at small soccer stadium attributed to fans who took advantage 2-for-1 ticket offer, receiving Charger ticket after buying seat to recent high school football playoff game there…Next Loss: Jacksonville
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Miami at New York Jets
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Cincinnati at Cleveland
This One’s Going To Blow, Too: New York Giants at Philadelphia
Oh, Good Gravy: Jacksonville at Los Angeles Chargers
