The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 8
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
With one-third of the league having two (2) or fewer wins so far in 2018 Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere – well, most places, at least – are bracing for what may well be the tightest race for The Dan Henning Trophy in years.
And veteran Bottom Ten watcher(s) know you count out two (2)-win Denver at your peril and if you don’t think two-time defending champion Cleveland’s experience won’t serve them well you are are deluding yourself.
This week’s fiasco, as the nags stumble through the clubhouse turn.
1. San Francisco 49ers (1-5; lost to Green Bay 33-30) – 49ers show mettle that leads straight to B-10 medal stand, giving up ten (10) points in last two (2) minutes…Three (3) turnovers, including interception on final “drive”, lead to nine (9) Green Bay points…Next Loss: Los Angeles (N)
2. Indianapolis Colts (1-5; lost to New York Jets 42-34) – Colts secure in B-10 runner-up spot, impressing B-10 pollsters with Total Team Effort (TTE) as offense contributes four (4) turnovers while alleged defense gives up points on eight (8) straight possessions…Next Loss: Buffalo
3. New York Giants (1-5; lost to Philadelphia 34-13) – Strong start key, as Giants turn ball over in game’s second play, give up first touchdown on fifth play…Giants 1-5 for first time since 2017…Next Loss: at Atlanta
4. Oakland Raiders (1-5; lost to Seattle 27-3) – Raiders never in this one, cruising to best start since 2014 squad started 0-10…Raiders still do not have a home for 2019, with lousy team limiting options to San Mateo Home Depot parking lot and Nairobi, Kenya…Next Loss: Indianapolis (10/28)
5. Denver Broncos (2-4; lost to Los Angeles Rams 23-20 ) – Broncos offense does its part, producing five (5) drives with one (1) or zero (0) first downs…Denver coming on strong after stumbling to 2-0 start, as current four (4)-game skid tied for best in NFL...Next Loss: at Arizona (10/18)
6. Cleveland Browns (2-3-1; lost to Los Angeles Chargers 38-14) – B-10 pollster’s bar tabs still working overtime as wizards try to figure out how opening week tie will affect race for B-10 medal stand…Browns quest for B-10 three-peat sputtering, as Browns have not lost consecutive games since entire 2018 season…Next Loss: at Tampa Bay
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-3; lost to Atlanta 32-49) – Another team recovering from 2-0 start, Buccaneers can make big pitch for B-10 medal stand with loss to Browns this week….Tampa Bay doing it with defense, allowing 37.333333 points per game during current three (3)-game skid ..Next Loss: Cleveland
8. AFC South (10-14) – Once a regular contender for B-10 Pete Rozelle Award – issued to NFL’s worst division, AFC South returns to fold, earning Marv Levy Broach, issued AFC’s worst division…Entire division has combined to lose eight (8) of last twelve (12).
9. NFC West (11-16) – Though harboring league’s remaining undefeated team, rest of division bad enough to earn NFC West the Ray Malavasi Pin, symbolic of NFC divisional lousiness…30 percent of Week 8 survey made up of division or its teams.
10. Gaylon For Congress – Performance at recent candidate’s forum would have gone better if he could have actually answered all the questions, however, organizers deserve some blame since none of the questions concerned war or peace or taxes or immigration or health care or any other issue that affects the long-term future of America.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Buffalo at Indianapolis
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: New York (N) at Atlanta
Let’s Screw CBS II: Cleveland at Tampa Bay
