The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 15 – The Interregnum Poll!
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
With the college football regular season not ending until a couple of days until spring training begins, Bottom Ten pollsters are pleased to trot the latest American classic, the NCAA Bottom Ten Interregnum Poll.
Stolen straight from the Week 2 NFL Interregnum survey, the NCAA Interregnum poll has the banal commentary and witless social analysis America has come to know and love.
Next week the beloved NCAA Bottom Ten/Bowl Game Edition will move and the final NCAA Bottom Ten will run on December 17.
This year’s mess:
1. Republicans – The very best you can do is a likely-to-be-impeached incumbent who’s a lying sexual predator who thinks the moon is part of Mars…All of you should be ashamed of yourself for continuing to defend the indefensible…Barring a palace coup in a Senate trial, it is time for the GOP to roll over and call it a day. ..The party of Lincoln does not exist anymore.
2. Democrats – If you are unable to produce a candidate who can name the Electoral College score against a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars, then you should roll over and call it a day, too, joining the GOP, Whig Party in the political graveyard.
3. Major League Baseball – Average World Series game took 3 hours, 44 minutes this year, taking a bit less time than a bypass and they were almost as much fun…Only reason 2019 Series wasn’t lowest-rated ever was because Game 7 pulled in 23 million viewers, itself the lowest-rated Game 7 ever.
4. Houston Astros – Hey guys, you want your runner on second base stealing signs, great…Not great is stealing them with TV cameras….B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” other teams stupid for not noticing a trash can was banging before every curveball, but what do they know.
5. Republicans II – All of you are nitwits for wailing about your president – who believes the moon is part of Mars – not getting due process or legal counsel or anything else during his impeachment hearings…It’s an investigation, not a trial…The president is entitled to none of these things, as many smart junior high kid knows.
6. Interregnum – B-10 pollsters continue to kick it old school with regular, tedious use of obscure, seldom used word usually only trotted out between election and inauguration of new president…16th-century Latin word meaning “between reign”.
7. Countess of Wessex – Hubba-hubba…Please call, text, soonest.
8. College Football Playoff – No matter who is selected for four-team invitational, there will be three (3) or four (4) teams deserving of competing for national title that won’t be allowed to…A 32-team NCAA Division I Playoff could have started Thanksgiving Weekend and end on New Year’s Day.
9. Jamal Khashoggi – Former journalist still dead, over a year after his execution by Saudi operatives…Outside of a few whack jobs still getting shorts in knot over it, Saudis have successfully brazened their way through it without sanction.
10. US Federal Executions – Plan to resume federal executions this month halted by pesky federal judge over some stuffy technicality…Good, as B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” America has executed innocent people which is “like, really bad and stuff”.
