The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 4
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Lead, follow or get out of the Cincinnati Bengals way.
If there’s one thing Bottom Ten fan(s) have learned over the years, it’s never count out the Cincinnati Bengals. Even with some recent winning seasons, veteran Bottom Ten watchers know the Bengals are never too far away from contending for The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.
And while Cincinnati glories in its return to the medal stand, Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere are eagerly anticipating the first Bottom Ten showdown game of 2017, as Cleveland invades Indianapolis this Sunday.
This week’s mess, as the nags pass the grandstand for the first time:
1. Cincinnati Bengals (0-2; lost to Houston 13-9) – Bengals appear ready to shed Worst Team Never To Win B-10 Title tag with first 0-2 start since 2008…Offense showing the way with zero (0) touchdowns and nine (9) points in two (2) home losses…Next Loss: at Green Bay
2. Indianapolis Colts (0-2; lost to Arizona 16-13) – Colts fan(s) filing official protest, as last week’s #1 team dutifully loses yet drops to runner-up spot…Fan(s) also pointing out they are missing starting quarterback, but QB spot not responsible for already giving up 62 points in 2017..Next Loss: Cleveland
3. Cleveland Browns (0-2; lost to Baltimore 24-10) – Defending B-10 champions off another 0-2 start…Browns using tried and true formula in quest for B-10 glory, refusing to rush for 100 yards and turning ball over five (5) times…Next Loss: at Indianapolis
4. Los Angeles Chargers (0-2; lost to Miami 19-17) – Almost a sellout in town that neither wants nor needs them, almost a win and almost a B-10 medal stand berth…Chargers have NFL-best seven (7) game losing skid and are showing type of mettle that generally leads straight to B-10 glory, losing 13 of 14 games decided by seven (7) points or less…Next Loss: Kansas City
5. Houston at Cincinnati – First 2017 Game of the Year nominee with teams showing mastery of fundamentals with 16 penalties and 16 punts…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” this is first 1:1 Penatly/Punt ratio in “like, dude, a really long time”.
6. AFC South (3-5) – One of three divisions with teams lacking winning records, AFC South earns prestigious, weekly Pete Rozelle Award, issued NFL’s worst division by virtue of, well, being the AFC South.
7. Chicago Bears (0-2; lost to Tampa Bay 29-7) – Bears earning quiet respect for consistency around league with their third straight 0-2 start…Offense sets strong early tone with two (2) interceptions, fumble on first three (3) possessions…Bears have lost NFL-best seven (7) straight…Next Loss: Pittsburgh
8. San Francisco 49ers (0-2; lost to Seattle 12-9) – 49ers have yet to score touchdown in 2017, already losing games by an average score 17.5-to-6…With both 2016 wins coming against Rams, Niners eager to strut B-10 stuff in front of prime time audience Thursday…Next Loss: Los Angeles Rams
9. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-0; lost to ) – Jaguars recover from opening week win with clutch home loss to always tough Titans…Jaguars owner Ghengis Khan subjects coaching staff to beating for not achieving goal of being on B-10 medal stand Islamic New Year..Next Loss: Baltimore
10. Thursday Night Football – Forget the fact players don’t like playing on Thursday, that they aren’t physically ready and they would rather be home, Thursday games usually aren’t any good…Already bored by last week’s Texans/Bengals clash, nation standing by to be mesmerized by this week’s Rams/49ers instant classic.
Game of the Week: Cleveland at Indianapolis
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Los Angeles Rams at San Francisco
