The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 17
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Browns are making it look easy.
Second consecutive 0-14 start? Check.
Avenging last season’s only victory? Check.
Continuing to lose winnable games? Check, check and double-check.
While the Browns continue to make a mockery of the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – never particularly easy to do – they have a big hurdle this week in their quest for Bottom Ten immortality: the dreaded Week 15 hump. Recall last year the only blemish on Cleveland’s season came with a win against the evil Chargers in Week 15, a win they avenged earlier this season.
And down the stretch they come! This week’s fiasco, as the nags pass the sixteenth pole:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-14; lost to Baltimore 27-10) – B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” Browns first team in any sport, anywhere at any time to start consecutive seasons 0-14…Browns still in it at the half, but strong second-half secures 15th consecutive loss…Browns fifth NFL team to start season 0-14….They were also the fourth…Next Loss: at Chicago
2. New York Giants (2-12; lost to Philadelphia 34-29) – Special teams dazzle, hitting triple crown with blocked conversion, punt and field goal, easily overcoming curiously strong effort by offense…Giants finishing strong, having lost four (4) straight…Next Loss: at Arizona
3. Indianapolis Colts (3-11; lost to Denver 25-13) – Colts easily recover from halftime lead, as defense comes on strong in second half, allowing scores on first three (3) second half possessions…Another strong finisher, Colts dismiss Broncos from B-10 contention with fifth straight loss……Next Loss: at Baltimore
4. Houston Texans (4-10; lost to Jacksonville 45-7) – Eleven (11) punts, eight (8) drives of three (3) plays easily equals fourth straight loss…Showdown in finale vs Colts could be for berth in B-10 regional…Next Loss: Pittsburgh
5. Cincinnati Bengals (5-9; lost to Minnesota 34-7) – Bengals don’t even bother in this one, trailing 17-0 before anybody needed a deodorant…Though Bengals will remain Worst Team Never To Win B-10 Title, team committed to sending head coach Marvin Lewis out a loser with third straight loss…..Next Loss: Detroit
6. Chicago Bears (4-10; lost to Detroit 20-10) – Bears muster 95 yards in penalties, 43-yards rushing stellar 2.029-to-1 Penalty-Yards-To-Rushing-Yards ratio…Bears need loss to Browns this to garner medal stand consideration…Next Loss: Cleveland
7. Your Ad Here (0-0; lost to) – Spot reserved for Tampa Bay, but B-10 pollsters confused by Buccaneers playing Monday night game…Still, though, we offer reasonable rates and a fabulous opportunity to reach loyal, content-starved reader(s) killing time between looking for dates at Match.com
8. Overturned TD Call Towards End Of New England/Pittsburgh Game – Good gravy, a player catches the ball then breaks the plane of the goal line before hitting the ground and bobbling it slightly…If call this an incomplete pass is in accordance with the letter of NFL rules, this rule needs to be changed…B-10 pollsters scrambling to find out exactly what the hell ‘surviving the ground’ means.
9. AFC West (0-0; lost to) – While likely division champ will finish season with winning record, AFC West still easy pick for Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Chiefs taking command, a whopping two (2) games above .500, while 5-9 Broncos only recently eliminated.
10. GOP Tax Bill – We appreciate the effort guys, but your plan does nothing for making our nine million word tax code easier to understand, does nothing to simplify our tax experience and the government will continue to take more of our money than they are entitled to…Thanks College Football Playoff!
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Cleveland at Chicago
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Detroit at Cincinnati
