The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 2: The Interregnum Poll
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
Whew, you made it…Fifty-two (52) weeks is a long time to wait, but that American classic is back: The Bottom Ten NFL Week 2 Interregnum poll.
Necessitated by the fact the NFL regular season doesn’t begin until after Labor Day, longtime readers of this crap will be pleased to note Bottom Ten pollsters are staying the course this year with the usual witless social commentary plus the awarding of the Jim Hanifan Memorial Medallion, symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude.
This year’s mess:
1. Donald Trump – It’s almost surreal: as if blood on his hands from an almost criminal COVID response, two impeachments, and four indictments weren’t enough, he is still the favorite for the GOP presidential nomination…One hundred (100) years from now all new people will look back and wonder what we were thinking.
2. USA! USA! – Once-proud country remains a shooting gallery, both major politcal parties are ruled by their extreme fringe, and country has not had a decent elected president since Kennedy…One hundred (100) years from now all new people will look back at us – or what remains of us – and wonder what we were thinking.
3. College Football – Good gravy, people, at least some of your past conference realignment made some sense but Stanford and Cal in a conference headquartered on the Prime Meridian???…B-10 pollsters “strongly suspect” crossing country four (4) times a season for conference games will get old real quick.
4. Pac-12 – Though 80.333% of your conference fleeingis generally bad, Washington State and Oregon State should find there are enough assets to keep the conference going, and if Apple is interested, it could be in position to accept applications to get to eight (8) teams by NCAA time limit of summer 2026.
5. Los Angeles Rams – Rams take first-ever Jim Hanifan Memorial Medallion – symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude – thanks to winless preseason, getting nod over other 0-3 teams based on lower regular season expectations.
6. Chicago Cubs – An annual Interregnum Poll entry since 1908 – the 100th anniversary of their then-last World Series title – Cubs actually still in 2023 playoff hunt…They would make the playoffs as a wild card if the playoffs began today and are only 2.5 games out of the NL Central lead, behind Milwaukee.
7. The Right Honourable Penny Mourdant – Leader of the British House of Commons and most famous for role in coronation of King Charles, B-10 pollsters have had major crush on her since watching her during Chuck’s accession following death of Queen Elizabeth…Please marry us…Willing to relocate.
8. Los Angeles Angels – Cursed franchise could not have gotten it any worse, choosing to keep Shohei Ohtani for stretch run and then promptly going in the tank…In fairness to Angels, though, had they traded him for prospects, they probably all would have ended up as busts, anyway.
9. College Betting Scandals – Guys, you get in bed with gamblers, your players are going to gamble, too, with B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” it’s 50/50 actual game-fixing scandal hits in the next three (3) years…Don’t even start.
10. Mass Shootings – Shooting Gallery USA now averaging over 1.5 mass shootings a day…Like they will do with other aspects of American life in the 3rd decade of the 21st century, all new people 100 years from now will wonder why America stood by and did nothing.
