The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 19
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
It’s all over. Every false start, every blown coverage, every clutch loss.
And while not the closest race for the most coveted trophy in sports – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – the Washington Commanders certainly gave it an honorable go with a heroic season-ending losing streak.
But it’s all hail the Carolina Panthers, of course, who earn top B-10 honors by becoming only the third NFL team this century to lose at least 15 (15) games.
This week’s mess, as the nags limp across the finish line:
1. Carolina Panthers (2-15; lost to Tampa Bay 9-0) – Panthers win first-ever B-10 title following 3rd-straight loss and 2nd-consecutive shutout…Lack of talent key, of course, but effects of meddling, know-it-all owner cannot be underestimated.
2. Washington Commanders (4-13; lost to Dallas 38-10) – Commanders take runner-up spot despite Week 1 over Cardinals thanks to season-ending eight (8)-game losing streak…Commanders’ fan(s) left wondering what might have been had team lost first two (2) games instead of winning them.
3. New England Patriots (4-13; lost to New York Jets 17-3) – Patriots give six (6)-time Super Bowl winning coach first-ever B-10 medal stand finish with loss to hapless Jets, hoping to end all talk of Bill Belichick being unable to lose big one.
4. Arizona Cardinals (4-13; lost to Seattle 21-20) – Cardinals fan(s) left to wonder what might have been as despite clutch, last-second missed field goal, two (2) wins in last five (5) games knock them out of B-10 medal stand.
5. Los Angeles Chargers (5-12; lost to Kansas City 13-12) – While preseason playoff hopes quashed early enough, bad-but-not-bad-enough Chargers ride two (2) tragic, B-10 title hope depleting two (2)-game winning streaks to middling B-10 finish.
6. NFC South (0-0; lost to) – Though first-place teams – somehow – managed to finish with winning records, NFC South still easy pick for coveted, annual Pete Rozelle Award, issued to league’s worst division.
7. Minnesota Vikings (7-10; lost to Detroit 30-20) – Vikings keep fan(s) on edge of seat with classic Jekyll & Hyde second half, as season-ending four (4)-game losing skid kept them in both B-10 medal stand hunt, NFL playoff contention until final week.
8. Tennessee Titans (6-11; defeated Jacksonville 28-20) – Another team that needs to look itself in mirror this offseason, as previous, multiple, B-10 champions were unable to rattle off losing streak of more than three (3) games, which they know as well as anybody is key to B-10 glory.
9. Jacksonville Jaguars (9-8; lost to Tennessee 28-20) – Jaguars ranked as humanitarian gesture, to prevent owner Genghis Khan from executing coaching staff for not winning another B-10 title, though Jaguars finish strong, losing five (5) of last six (6).
10. Bottom Ten Fans – B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” they’ll keep writing this crap as long as you keep reading it…It’s said every year because it’s true: if you enjoy reading this half as much as we enjoy producing it, you’re enjoying it an awful lot…We’’ll see you in 233 days, when we all gather for The Bottom Ten/2024 Preseason Q&A.
