The Bottom Ten/NFL Final
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Sometimes the race for the most coveted trophy in sports – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – is a sprint. Witness the 2008 Detroit Lions, who led wire-to-wire in their historic 0-16 campaign
Sometimes though, slow and steady – not to mention lousy – wins the Bottom Ten race. Witness the 2019 Detroit Lions, who rose and fell throughout the season while not ascending the throne until the very last week.
The 2019 finale, as the nags stumble across the finish line:
1. Detroit Lions (3-12-1; lost to Green Bay 23-20) – Lions fan(s) strutting stuff with second B-10 title in franchise history…Cardiac Lions make fans wait, though, not securing title until allowing game ending field goal…Lions season-ending nine (9)-game skid enough to earn title despite fact Lions have neither the fewest wins nor most losses in NFL.
2. Cincinnati Bengals (2-14; defeated Cleveland 33-23) – Laughter, B-10 title hopes, die in (rare) victory, as Bengals blow B-10 title, scoring 20 unanswered points in single game for first time since Reconstruction…Bengals earn first-ever Marvin Lewis Cup, issued to worst team never to win B-10 title.
3. Washington Redskins (3-13; lost to Dallas 47-16) – With B-10 medal stand berth on the line, clutch Redskins never in this one, breaking out to 6-0, 20-3 deficits before putting it on cruise control and getting outscored 27-6 in second half.
4. Carolina Panthers (5-11; lost to New Orleans 42-10) – Though season-ending eight (8)-game skid second-best in league, Panthers fan(s) left to wonder what might have been, as early four (4) game win skid derailed hopes of B-10 medal stand glory.
5. New York Giants (4-12; lost to Philadelphia 34-17) – Giants another team left to wonder what might have been as only wins in tough, must-lose games against Dolphins, Redskins, prevented season-ending 12-game losing skid, B-10 title.
6. Los Angeles Chargers (5-11; lost to Kansas City 31-21) – Chargers looking forward to changing stadiums in 2020, going from small soccer stadium filled with opponent’s fans to large stadium filled with empty seats…Chargers have decision to make: stick with aging quarterback who swears he has another B-10 run left in him, or bring in next franchise quarterback that also will never take them to Super Bowl.
7. NFC East (24-40) – With division champion only team above .500, NFC East easy pick for Pete Rozelle Award, issued to league’s worst division…One-third of final 2019 survey made up of either the division itself or its teams.
8. AFC West (31-33) –Though losing out on Pete Rozelle Award, AFC West issued Special Olympian-esque Marv Levy Broach, symbolic of AFC divisional ineptitude…B-10 pollsters thought about trotting out classic college B-10 line about division leveling up for strong .500 divisional play mark, but decided not to.
9. NFL – 16 teams finished season with sub-.500 records, which is actually about average for the decade, but B-10 pollsters wanted something to whine about…Please, this offseason, alter overtime procedures to guarantee 1) both teams get a shot on offense and, 2) every game has a winner.
10. Bottom Ten Readership – Some of you have been with us since the start, some of you discovered the wonder of the B-10 this year…Either way and as always, if you enjoyed reading this half as much as we enjoyed writing it, you enjoyed it an awful lot…Thank you for reading.
