The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 6
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Foremost Humorist
Yes, Bottom Ten pollsters are aware the race for most coveted trophy in sports – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – is a long one.
But you can forgive them for feeling giddy. Between the still winless Browns and the hard-charging Chargers, the race for the 2016 Bottom Ten medal stand threatens to become the tightest in memory.
This week’s mess, as the nags are in the clubhouse turn:
- Cleveland Browns (0-4; lost to Washington 31-20) – Showing the mettle that leads directly to B-10 glory, Browns overcome two (2) deficits before blowing lead in fourth quarter…Browns perfect at the quarter pole, and while it might be too early to be talking perfection they’re the Browns, so it might not be, either……Next Loss: New England
2. Detroit Lions (1-3; lost to Chicago 17-14) – Offense in top form, producing two (2) field goals as only touchdown comes on late interception return…Special teams claiming moral victory, citing better net punting average, 45.6 yards to 14.0 yards……Next Loss: at Philadelphia
3. San Diego Chargers (1-3; lost to New Orleans 35-34) – Chargers trumpet ascension onto B-10 medal stand with the type of morale-depleting come-from-ahead home loss that leads straight to, well, the B-10 medal stand…Offense chips in with two (2) fumbles and an interception on final three drives while defense allows two touchdowns in final five (5) minutes …Next Loss: at Oakland
4. Tennessee Titans (1-3; lost to Houston 27-20) – Proving that special teams are one-third of B-10 success, Titans fall behind for good on third quarter punt returned for touchdown…Would’ve also had a blocked punt returned for touchdown had the goddamned refs not mistakenly blown the play dead…Next Loss: at Miami
5. New York Jets (1-3; lost to Seattle 27-17) – Three second half interceptions lead to ten (10) Seattle points, as Jets show they’re in B-10 race for long haul…Jets so bad fan(s) insist team play four (4) of next five (5) game on road in order to recover from this one …Next Loss: at Pittsburgh
6. NFL – Usual Pete Rozelle Award – issued NFLS’s worst division –enjoying a bye week as B-10 pollsters pay homage to league intent on proving old adage that on any given Sunday most teams can go out and suck eggs, as 43 percent of league has zero (0) or one win…Next Loss: test
7. San Francisco 49ers (1-3; lost to Dallas 24-17) – 49ers have lost three straight as QB Colin Kaepernick vows not to stand for national anthem until 49ers claim spot on B-10 medal stand…Next Loss: Arizona (Oct. 4)
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-3; lost to Denver 27-7) – Mother nature not even cooperating as lightning storm only delays inevitable, instead of striking Broncos sideline as requested in work order…Big divisional test against reeling Carolina squad will show if Bucs are B-10 contenders or pretenders…Next Loss: at Carolina
9. Carolina Panthers (1-3; lost to Atlanta 48-33) – Game not as close as score indicated, as Panthers break out to 14-0 and 34-10 deficits before Falcons put in some free agents trying out for scout team…Big divisional test against reeling Tampa Bay squad will show if Panthers are B-10 contenders or pretenders…Next Loss: Tampa Bay
10. Chicago Cubs (103-58) – Inevitable march to first World Series title in 108 years begins Friday against whatever hapless misfit makes it out of NL wild-card game…B-10 pollsters so confident of Cubs win they bet entire bar tab on them…Next Loss: 2017
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Tampa Bay at Carolina
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Tennessee at Miami
Let’s Screw FOX II: Detroit at Philadelphia
