The Daily Dose/April 27, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience
THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS…LIKE A KIDNEY STONE: While the immediate effects of the COVID-`19 pandemic are, of course, known, the long-term effects are not, though with lockdown orders gradually being rescinded speculation has begun.
Hut, Hut Hike: We are preparing for the very worst here, that college and professional football will not be played and that The Bottom Ten will not be written this fall! We don’t like this any more than you do, but it would be difficult for the Bottom Ten pollsters to rank lousy college and professional football teams if they’re not actually playing. Even they’re smart enough to recognize that.
Dry, Technical Matter: We’ve been writing The Bottom Ten – stolen from The Bottom Ten by Steve Harvey we grew up reading in the Los Angeles Times – for most of this century. We’ve long said there are two parts to the year; the part where we are writing The Bottom Ten and the time when we are not and only the first part is worth a damn.
This isn’t entirely false. We enjoy writing it an awful lot and while we’re not going to wail and rend garments in the streets if football isn’t played, we will miss it and, admit it, you will, too.
Please Pass The Dry, Technical Matter: We’ll run something this fall, dammit, probably best-of surveys from assorted weeks. We might also write a made-up survey based on projected results, but that would require an awful lot of work and we do not have unlimited time.
The Bottom Line: I’ll tell you what, if we had to make a decision now, we don’t think anything is going to be played until next year. We’re mindful of the fact that the virus and illness are affecting a very small percentage of the population, but America was unable to provide a timely and competent response to the coronavirus outbreak and we’re still running around like a bunch of keystone cops. We do not have much of a handle on anything.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow experiments in the kitchen. Today’s Diary.
I still have those cans of potted meat lying around, unused since I’ve cut out sandwiches, so I completely lost my mind and tried something new today…I opened a can and put it into a bowl, then opened a can of the Satan Sandwich Spread (corned beef) and put that in the bowl and then added some mayonnaise and some hot mustard that was lying around in a single-serving package, probably from Chinese to-go order, tho I can’t remember ordering Chinese food in years…Then I mixed it all up and ate it.
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On This Date
History’s long march to today
In 1861 – President of the United States Abraham Lincoln, acting in the early days of the Civil War, suspends the writ of habeas corpus between Washington, DC and Philadelphia. The suspension gave authorities the power to arrest and detain individuals who were deemed threatening to military operations and hold them without indictment or arraignment. Habeas corpus is a legal recourse where a prisoner can compel a court to determine if his custody is legal.
In 1971 – Jean Beliveau of the Montreal Canadiens establishes a new NHL record for most career playoff assists in a 6-1 win over the Minnesota North Stars in Game 5 of the Stanley Cup semifinals. Beliveau had three assists giving him 92 in his playoff career, breaking the record of 91 established by Gordie Howe. Beliveau would retire with 97 career playoff assists and the record is now held by Wayne Gretzky who had 260 playoff assists. The Canadiens would win the series in six games.
In 1963 – I Will Follow Him by Little Peggy March is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks. It was March’s first chart single, the first of three Top 40 hits and remains her only #1 song. The song also went to #1 in seven other countries including Uruguay and Israel and in May spent a week at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart. March, 15 at the time, remains the youngest female act to top the Hot 100 and she would later have a successful career in Europe.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
“Wishes back den I could’a knowed sump’n dat I’s learned now.” – Alex Haley, Roots: The Saga of an American Family
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Sergeant Boston Corbett, the US Army soldier who shot Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth, said he refused offers to sell the gun used in the killing, and that it was ultimately lost.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Which team won the 1971 Stanley Cup Finals? – Answer next time!
