The Daily Dose/Thursday, March 19, 2020

The Daily Dose/March 19, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

OH, JESUS H: The numbers, of course, keep going up. The COVID-19 death rate amongst those who have or have had the illness has inched past 4% for the first time. The death rate for cases that have been resolved is 9%. 

Tell Your Numbers To Shut Up: In terms of the entire population of our planet – roughly 7.7 billion people – the figure is so microscopic to have little statistical significance, frankly. The worldwide death rate is .00000113%.

Dry, Technical Matter: Now, we are on record as saying we’re all losing our minds over this and the chaos, anarchy, that might result from having an entire planet unemployed and locked down might be worse than the COVID-19 death toll, but even we realize a 9% death rate among people who’ve contracted the illness is awfully high. 

Back On Message: We remain convinced, though, that an America with most everyone not working will completely wreak havoc with an American fabric that is already stretched awfully thin. What’s going to happen when grocery store shelves get even barer because there’s no one making, shipping or stocking things that we’ve already hoarded? What happens when there’s one jar of peanut butter on a grocery store shelf and three men with kids to feed wanting it? 

Eyes Wide Shut: We should be paying attention to what our government is doing, and not only because they may be sending us money soon. They are limiting rights of assembly and ordering businesses to close, something that under ordinary times would not be tolerated. It’s not right now, though, because these are not ordinary times and as humans, we like to depend on others. Kids depend on their parents, husbands depend on their wives and us citizens like to depend on our governments in times like these because we find it comforting and let’s face it, us humans generally do not like to go against the grain. 

Holy Living F*ck: However, if the violence gets too great the government will send troops in to break it up and friends, once a government sends troops in they don’t always leave. Rights protected for us might not come back. 

The Bottom Line: These are unprecedented times and our government is doing unprecedented things. We must remain vigilant.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: It’s still slow at the hotel, and Sparrow has the lastest MPG figures for the new ride. Today’s Diary. 

Slower than slow season slow at the hotel…Officially, we had 23 rooms occupied, but with an early departure and no-shows, there were no more than 17 rooms with actual humans in them, including the copulating couple in 120 who chose not to resume their fun stuff, at least for the 20 minutes or so I stood outside their door.

As usual, my non-mechanical mind has no clue why we jumped 5 MPG in one week – and I double-checked everything and the figure is correct…Maybe we will end up at 100 MPG someday.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1918 – Time zones are standardized in the United States when President Woodrow Wilson signs the Standard Time Act of 1918. The first attempt at establishing time zones in the US had been by the railroads in 1883, though those were not met with universal acceptance. Today the US has nine time zones, from the Chamorro time zone in Guam in the west to the Atlantic time zone, covering Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands, in the east. The continental US is covered by four time zones. 

In 1966 – The Texas Western Miners – now the Texas-El Paso Miners – win the NCAA basketball title, defeating the Kentucky Wildcats 72-65 at Cole Field House in College Park, Maryland. The Miners were coached by Don Haskins and were the first team that started five black players to win the national championship. The Miners were the only team besides UCLA to win the national title between 1964-73 and this remains their only national basketball championship. 

In 1977 – Glen Campbell is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for his only week with Southern Nights. The song would later spend one week at #1 on the Hot 100 was Campbell’s fifth and final country #1 and his second and final #1 on the pop chart. The song was written and originally recorded by Allen Toussaint who also wrote, among many other songs, Mother-in-Law and I Like It Like That. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Revolution…. comes only when there are many things ready to die.  – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol I: Our Oriental Heritage 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Mariah Carey’s first #1 single on the Billboard Hot 100 was Vision of Love in 1990. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many NCAA national championships has UTEP won? – Answer next time!

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