The Daily Dose/March 15, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5
Celebrating the very best of the very worst of the week that was…
1. COVID-19 – 404 more deaths worldwide Saturday brings total to 5,833, though Saturday’s daily figure down 44 from Friday’s to-date high…Death rate up slightly to 3.7%, though actual figure probably lower as milder cases probably not reported.
2. UFC – Shows world who’s boss by conducting fight cards, amending rules to include virus spreading as legal form of winning fight by submission…Provides humanity with much-needed answer to burning question ‘Can UFC title be awarded even if no one cares about the outcome?”
3. The Bottom Ten – Hilarious ranking of worst college, pro football on thin ice for fall, as B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” you can’t rank teams that aren’t playing…To keep morale up throughout US, B-10 pollsters self-quarantine at B-10 headquarters, keeping selves busy washing hands, not French kissing Asians, polishing treasured B-10 trophies.
4. President Trump Fact Check – Special COVID-19 edition. Click here for hot new material from the Misinformer-in-Chief
5. President Trump Fact Check II – Click here for even more from president completely out of his element against virus he can’t berate and insult on Twitter.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
Free on Sunday! Free on Sunday!
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow finally decides how to wear his new phone holster. Today’s Diary.
It took a while, but I finally decided on how to wear my new cell phone holster…Recall my fancy-pants leather one broke about ten years before I thought it should have and I replaced it with a $10 nylon one that I was immediately pleased with…It’s versatile, too, able to rest on your belt perpendicularly or so the pouch faces either forward or backward and regular readers of this crap may – or they may not – recall I did no small amount of field testing to decide which way I wanted the opening to face.
Testing on this vital matter actually ended a week or two ago and it wasn’t a tuff decision: having the phone slide in from the front seems entirely more natural than backward, so convenient the choice was actually made for me.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
Great moments in us.
In 2019 – Shootings at two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand kill 51 people and injure 49. The alleged shooter, Brenton Tarrant, then 28, said in a written manifesto he had planned the attacks for two years and selected his targets three months earlier. The alleged perpetrator was arrested while driving away from the second attack, believed to be headed to a third one. He has pleaded not guilty, his trial scheduled to begin in June. It remains the deadliest mass shooting in New Zealand history.
In 1970 – Bobby Orr of the Boston Bruins becomes the first NHL defenseman to score 100 points in a season in a 5-5 tie with the Detroit Red Wings. Orr came into the game with 97 points and had two goals and two assists with point number 100 coming on a short-handed goal in the second period. Orr would finish the season with 120 points, becoming the first defenseman to win the scoring title and the following season he scored 139 points, still the NHL record single-season mark for a defenseman.
In 1969 – Tommy Roe is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Dizzy. It was the 16th Top 40 hit for Rowe, his fifth of six Top 10 hits and his second and final #1 song (Sheila, 1962). The song also went to #1 in Canada and Great Britain, was Billboard’s sixth-biggest song of the year and ranked 427th on their 60th anniversary Hot 100 in 2018.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…fools can invent more hypotheses than philosophers can ever refute, and philosophers often join them in the game. – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol I: Our Oriental Heritage
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Dolly Parton’s Baby I’m Burnin’ was the first song to appear on Billboard’s pop, soul and dance charts, doing so 1979.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many NHL defensemen have finished a season with at least 100 points? – Answer next time!
