The Daily Dose/January 4, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…
USA! USA! The US attack on the Baghdad airport that killed, among others, a top Iranian general is drawing the usual partisan reaction we’ve come to expect from everything except sunrise in this country. This, however, is a non-partisan analysis of the attack:
We attacked a sovereign nation Congress had not declared war against.
Now, this is hardly a bulletin, of course, because America has been doing this regularly since Congress last declared war in 1942, despite the fact that declaring war is the exclusive province of Congress.
Can You Repeat That, Please: Of course we can: Congress last declared war in 1942. A lot of people are surprised by that but look it up: Congress last declared war on June 5, 1942 when it declared war on the bastards in Bulgaria, Hungary and Romania. Congress did not declare war for Korea, Vietnam, the Persian Gulf War or any other military action the US has taken since.
Yeah, That’ll Work: The Pentagon said the attack was:
…aimed at deterring future Iranian attack plans
LOL: Perhaps it’s true. Perhaps it’s not. It’s also funny, engaging in an act of war in order to prevent war. It won’t prevent anything because the only dividend war provides is more war. The consequences could well be World War III.
Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: The United States has been at war every day for over 30 years and we’ve been meddling in the Middle East even longer. We’ve long said we have a violent planet because of US intervention in other countries and it is difficult to argue with that. Had we been at peace for the past 30 years instead of at war this week’s attack wouldn’t have been necessary and 9/11 would never have happened. If we had spent the past 30 years leaving other countries alone, they would have left us alone.
Gaylon For US Senate: Vote Early, Vote Often: The time has come to see the world, and country, that would be produced by a United States at peace with the world. The only dividend war provides is more war.
Editor’s Note: Gaylon is a candidate for the Colorado Libertarian Party’s 2020 United States Senate nomination.
Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow stops by to see Jenn, his new supervisor at the VSO. Today’s Diary.
While across the street I stopped in to say hi to Jenn, who’s my new supervisor…Like my last supervisor, Kris, who fled, Jenn has no clue what I do, either…Her purpose is to take care of payroll and other admin things…She’s really funny, too…I walked in and said hi and assumed a bended knee, in homage to her…This made her laff and she stood up and tapped me on the top of my head with her scepter – actually a pencil – and commanded me to rise and go and serve veterans.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
In 1999 – Jesse Ventura, a former Navy SEAL and professional wrestler is inaugurated governor of Minnesota. Ventura had been elected the previous November as a member of the Reform Party, earning 37% of the vote in a three-person race. Born James George Janos in Minneapolis, Ventura remains the only member of a professional wrestling hall of fame to serve as the governor of a US state. Ventura served one term and declined to run for reelection.
In 1984 – Wayne Gretzky of the Edmonton Oilers becomes the first NHL player to have eight points in a game twice in a career in a 12-8 victory over the Minnesota North Stars. Gretzky had four goals and four assists, which also extended his record for most consecutive games with an assist to 17, a record he would extend to 23 in the 1990-91 season. The game remains the second-highest scoring game in NHL history behind Montreal’s 14-7 win over Toronto in January 1920.
In 1960 – Marty Robbins is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with El Paso, the first #1 song of the decade. The song was also in its third of seven weeks at #1 on Billboard’s country chart and peaked at 19 in Great Britain. It was the sixth of 14 #1 country songs for Robbins and remains his only #1 hit on the Hot 100. It also won the Grammy Award for Best Country & Western Recording.
Quotebook
Things don’t ever git better less’n you make’em better! – Alex Haley, Roots: The Saga of an American Family
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Before FDR, the US dime had the image of the mythical goddess Liberty on the obverse side.
Today’s Stumper
Who is the only NHL player to have eight points in a game three times in a career? – Answer next time!
