The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 5
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
With two-thirds of the medal stand up and winning and half the survey either winning or not playing, leveling up is the phrase that pays in the Bottom Ten this week, as the race for the ESPNCup is shaping up to be the tightest in recent memory.
Bottom Ten electricians are stocking up on fuses and vacuum tubes this week, too, in anticipation of our patented TitleTrak Radar blowing out with not one (1) but two (2) Games of the Century scheduled this weekend: Miami, Ohio and UMess and the New Mexicans battling it out.
This week’s imbroglio:
1. Kent State (0-4; lost to Penn State 56-0)
Mitigating Factors: Nation’s-best 13-game skid only school’s 4th-best ever, with all-time mark of 19 by vaunted 1982-83 squads now the light at the end of B-10 tunnel…Presuming they lose out – a possibility everyone must consider – squad will tie mark on 11/13 at Miami, Ohio, break it the following week vs Akron.
FunFact: Golden Flashes have lost last two (2) games by average score of 63.5-to-0.0 in front of average crowd of 105,720.5, with B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” this sets some sort of Points-Allowed-To-Paid Attendance ratio record.
Next Loss: Eastern Michigan
2. UTEP (0-4; lost to Colorado State 27-17)
Mitigating Factors: Once and probably future B-10 champs back on B-10 medal stand with nation’s 2nd-best seventh straight loss…Consistency key for Miners, with team ranking 106th in First Downs Gained and 109th in First Downs allowed…After consecutive second-half touchdowns, offense settles down to turn ball over on downs on final two (2) possessions.
FunFact: With realignment (still) all the rage, not even crumbling Mountain West Conference considering Miners for expansion, though MAC reportedly showing cursory interest.
Next Loss: Sam Houston
3. New Mexicans (1-7; New Mexico: lost to Fresno State 38-21; New Mexico State: lost to Sam Houston 31-11)
Mitigating Factors: Classic, hilarious B-10 joint entry makes first appearance since Week 11 in 2021, with teams combining to lose last seven (7) games to earn entry’s first-ever, coveted, B-10 medal stand berth…B-10 pollsters “strongly suspect” loser of this week’s B-10 Game of the Century could get own =, coveted spot on B-10 medal stand.
FunFact: New Mexico Highlands also sucking hind tit in 2024, off to 0-3 start, though cardinal heading schools Eastern and Western New Mexico both 2-2
Next Losses: New Mexico: at New Mexico State; New Mexico State: New Mexico
4. Miami, Ohio (0-3; lost to Notre Dame 28-3)
Mitigating Factors: The RedHawks keep Fighting Irish on winning track, being gracious guests and blowing an early 3-0 lead… This week’s game against perennial B-10 medal stand laureate will show whether the RedHawks are contenders or pretenders for 2024 B-10 glory.
FunFact: Redhawks 0-3 for first time since 2018.
Next Loss: UMess
5. UMess (1-3; defeated Central Connecticut State 35-31)
Mitigating Factors: Despite losing to lower-level team Minutemen drop from runner-up spot with only fourth win in last 46 games…Win not only hampers B-10 title hopes, but since it came relatively late, Minutemen could be out of contention for Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest winning streak in season that actually includes a win.
FunFact: Despite beating lower-level squad, with sheer strength of 2024 B-10 field, this week’s clash with Miami, Ohio must be considered a must lose.
Next Loss: at Miami, Ohio
6. Rice (1-3; lost to Army 37-14)
Mitigating Factors: Owls never in this one, with offense not putting points on board until 3rd-quarter safety gives latest crop of Army officer candidates two (2) points…With service academies not doing too bad – and with Navy still on tap – Owls now in driver’s seat for Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness.
FunFact: With Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness – a possibility, ROTC cadets giving linemen crash courses in saluting while being tackled for a loss, marching in step on power sweep blocking schemes.
Next Loss: Charlotte
7. Lincoln (0-3; lost to William Jewell 48-20)
Mitigating Factors: D-II Blue Tigers retain Continental Cup – issued to team with longest all-division losing streak in NAFTA sphere of influence – with 40th consecutive loss…Lincoln fan(s) starting to fret, though, as team is averaging 19.5 ppg last two (2) times out, meaning strong defensive game could mean victory, though B-10 pollsters “strongly suspect” chance of this happening is “like, really remote and stuff”.
FunFact: William Jewell marches into B-10 Hall of Fame as first team to beat two Continental Cup holders in same season since Tijuana Tech beat Juarez State, UTEP in 1953.
Next Loss: at Southwest Baptist
8. Florida International (1-3; lost to Monmouth 45-42)
Mitigating Factors: Past B-10 champion Golden Panthers blow two (2) leads and a tie in type of strong come-from-ahead loss to lower-level team that tends to lead straight to B-10 glory…Strong inability to run ball, preventing others from doing same key for FIU in 2024, as team otherwise fair-to-middling in NCAA stat rankings.
FunFact: With only win coming in second game, FIU in good, though not great, position to contend for Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in season that actually includes a win – should, when, they lose out.
Next Loss: Louisiana Tech
9. MAC
Mitigating Factors: With usual two (2) teams in survey and no one in conference never real too very far away, MAC easy choice for weekly, coveted B-10 Conference of the Week Award…6-17 non-conference tied for nation’s-best with Mountain West.
FunFact: Despite annual struggles, MAC still expected to level up for strong .500 mark in conference play.
10. Middle Tennessee (1-3; lost to Duke 45-17)
Mitigating Factors: Blue Raiders doing it with defense in 2024, ranking Dead Last in Passing Yards allowed (342.0 ypg) and 129th in both Total Defense (491.8 ypg) and Scoring Defense (42.8 ppg)…With only W coming in opener, Blue Raiders leading suspect in race for Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in season that actually includes a win – if they lose out.
FunFact: Loss to B-10’s Team of the Decade for Double Aughts gives Blue Raiders key stamp of approval for continued B-10 medal stand run.
Next Loss: at Memphis
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: UMess at Miami, Ohio
This Week’s Clash of the Titans II: New Mexico at New Mexico State
