The Bottom Ten is on the house this week.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 3
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
From the start of the 2022 race for the ESPN Cup, Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere have been saying this may well be the deepest field ever. They may be right: three weeks in and there have already been three teams occupying the B-10 throne and there are still no less – and no more – than 18 (18) unvictoried teams.
Bottom Ten fan(s) every are hoping new #1 New Mexico State can provide some stability. The Aggies are no stranger to the glare of the Bottom Ten lights and the 2022 Bottom Ten title is theirs to lose. Literally.
This week’s mess:
1. New Mexico State (0-3; lost to UTEP 20-13)
Mitigating Factors: Big early-season hurdle cleared for Aggies in quest for 2022 B-10 glory with big loss to last week’s #1…Offense (still) humming on all cylinders, producing three (3) turnovers, six (6) punts, and a missed field goal…More challenges await, as games against ranked Hawaii and UMess remian, not to mention tilt against defending B-10 champion Florida International.
Consistency Counts: Aggies 0-3 for fourth straight season and tenth time this century.
Next Loss: at Wisconsin
2. UMess (0-2; lost to Toledo 55-10)
Mitigating Factors: UMess shows they’re all in for strong 2022 B-10 medal stand run with eye-opening blowout road loss to MAC school…Minutemen show mastery of fundamentals, with 14 penalties for 133 yards…If Minutemen can pull out loss to lower level team this week, it should be clear sailing until 10/29 showdown with #1 New Mexico State.
Scoreboard, Baby: Minutemen already losing games by average score of 48.5-to-10.0 in 2022…Current eight (8)-game losing skid tied for nation’s best.
Next Loss: Stony Brook
3. Colorado State (0-2; lost to Middle Tennessee 34-19)
Mitigating Factors: With blowout loss to Michigan and loss to dreaded C-USA foe already in the books, Rams squarely on B-10 medal stand, not to mention B-10 TitleTrak Radar…Rams new to B-10, with coaching staff still reviewing B-10 onboarding packet, with B-10 staffers already fielding questions about small-bills-only initiation fee to be delivered in stadium parking lot at midnite.
FunFact: Current eight (8)-game skid tied for nation’s best, and first eight (8)-game skid since 2011.
Next Loss: at Washington State
4. Buffalo (0-2; lost to Holy Cross 37-31)
Mitigating Factors: B-10 pollsters, fan(s), hoisting mug of grog in honor of return of Bulls, who gave Duke all they could handle for B-10 Team of the Decade honors for the Double Aughts…Showing mettle that tends to lead straight to B-10 glory, as Bulls snap 31-31 tie on last play, allowing Hail Mary completion for game-winning touchdown.
FunFact: After scoring on four (4) consecutive possessions, Bulls settle down to punt twice, turn ball over on downs in third quarter.
Next Loss: at Coastal Carolina
5. Hawaii (0-3; lost to Michigan 56-10)
Mitigating Factors: Defense showing way to B-10 glory for Hawaii in 2022, ranking Dead Last in Scoring Defense, Next-To-Dead-Last in Rushing Defense and Next-To-Next-To-Dead-Last in Total Defense…Warriors looking to gain B-10 street cred, as loss this week would be team’s first in-season four (4)-game losing skid since 2018.
FunFact: With sheer depth of 2022 B-10 field, Hawaii cannot get caught looking past losable game this week to 9/24 showdown vs. #1 New Mexico state.
Next Loss: Duquesne
6. Thiel College (0-2; lost to Allegheny 34-6 )
Mitigating Factors: D-III Tomcats retain Continental Cup – issued to team with longest losing streak in NATO – with 39th straight loss…Defense taken out behind equipment shed following game for spoiling shutout by running interception back for touchdown…Tomcats rank 200th or worse in eight (8) D-III stat categories, including pretty much all the offensive ones.
Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves: 35-game conference losing streak only good for second nationally, while 19-game road losing streak only good for 4th-best in D-III.
Next Loss: at St Vincent
7. Sun Belt Conference
Mitigating Factors: Former Conference of the Week/Conference of the Year perennial, conference actually wins some games against national powers this week, leading B-10 pollsters to give bar tabs a workout as they consider rescinding conference’s spot in B-10 Hall of Fame.
FuFact: With such a strong start, conference ADs privately looking into whether or not they could actually do better than .500 conference play mark.
8. Nebraska (1-2; lost to Georgia Southern 45-42)
Mitigating Factors: Nebraska back in survey following stirring home loss to evil Sun Belt Conference foe…Huskers fire coach after 1-2 start, showing new “scorched earth” policy hoping interim coach will be able to avoid pesky wins the rest of the way in bid for first B-10 medal stand finish…Defense paving way to B-10 glory for Nebraska, with Blackshirts ranking 124th in Total Defense (492 ypg).
FunFact: With only win coming in Week 2, Huskers will need help to win Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in season that actually includes a win – even if they lose out.
Next Loss: Oklahoma
9. Charlotte (0-3; lost to Maryland 50-21)
Mitigating Factors: 49ers constructing classic B-10 run, as obligatory Power 5 blowout followed losses to lower level team, run-of-mill major division foe…Total Team Effort (TTE) seeing 49ers getting outscored by average score of 46.7-to-19.3…Charlotte another team riding defensive wave to B-10 favor, ranking Dead Last in Total Defense (552.7 ypg).
What The Hell’s Going On Here?: B-10 pollsters would poke fun at Charlotte also ranking Dead Last in Passing Efficiency Defense, but they remain “pretty sure” they still don’t know what that is.
Next Loss: at Georgia State
10. Defense Department (0-6; Navy: lost to Memphis 37-13; Army: lost to UTSA 41-38 OT; Notre Dame lost to Marshall 26-21)
Mitigating Factors: Service academy fortunes always tough to predict, but B-10 pollsters cautiously optimistic as fight for the Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness – could be tightest ever…Both Midshipmen and Cadets hampered by pregame Defense Secretary ruling requiring both teams to march in step while in pass coverage.
FunFact: Though only playing Navy this year, Notre Dame included in hilarious joint entry as warm memory of 2007 when losses to Navy and Air Force propelled them Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness.
Next Losses: Navy: at East Carolina; Army: at Villanova; Notre Dame: Cal
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Charlotte at Georgia State
Lousy Old School Rivalry Resumption of the Week: Oklahoma at Nebraska
Up Next On ESPN923: Buffalo at Coastal Carolina
