Yes, It’s Read Free Sunday (RFS) at The Diary.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Saturday, April 30
About midnight I head out to the front desk for something or another and there’s this guy, probably bit older than me, standing there…He had made no noise – he hadn’t grunted, much less rang the bell – and I’d had no idea he was out there…An amiable sort, he seemed friendly, a bit too friendly, actually, and gave the impression of being the sort who has the bodies hidden under his porch.
He asked how much the candy bars were and in the interest of not getting my throat slit, I announced that whatever the hell he wanted was three-for-three dollars and while he seemed intent on candy bars, he could’ve gotten three phone chargers for the same great price…He only brought one candy bar to the counter, tho, and announced he’d come to get the other two after going outside for a smoke, which was probably code for “gas cats” or something.
Later, while yours truly was walking the hotel, I saw him wandering around looking for an ice machine, probably to freeze bodies with…I gave him directions and it was not a good feeling knowing he was wandering the hallways at zero-dark-thirty.
Six years to the day after first being elected Legion district commander, ol’ Sparrow called it a day, declining to run for a seventh term…I told the meeting this, added it had been both a pleasure and a privilege to be their district commander, was grateful they tolerated me for this long, and added it was time to pass the opportunities and obligations of Legion district leadership on to someone else, a pretty good line I came up with a while back and filed away for just this occasion.
Most of the time the executive board was reelected by acclamation so what’s almost interesting is the fact this was the first time in ages ol’ Sparrow actually had to conduct a proper election, and the first time he was obliged to hold elections for commander…I looked at Adjutant Stanko and said, not completely factitiously,
So, what, we take nominations now, right…
Tina, the senior vice commander and my heir apparent, was nominated and elected unanimously and yours truly is pleased to report there was some new blood elected, too…I was prepared to fill a hole if needed but it wasn’t necessary…Well, actually I did decline rascal Gary nominating me to replace him as finance officer because, The Portfolio notwithstanding, you do not want me handing your money.
Yours truly had a pretty good line, too, maybe even a Line of the Year candidate…We were discussing where to hold the fall convention and Stanko asked Ed if the next county would be interested and he said he’d look into it…They share a building with the Elks and he would have to clear it with their exalted ruler:
Sparrow: Hold on, the head Elk is an exalted ruler???
Ed: Yeah. Exalted Ruler Cal…
I turn to State Commander Chip, who’s seated on my right:
How come he’s an exalted ruler and I’m just a commander???
The day started with breakfast with State Commander Chip…He was staying in 105 and about 0650 he wanders in for morning coffee service (MCS):
I’m sorry, sir, we don’t allow your types here…
What’s funny is I wrote him his half-off breakfast coupon but Tammy scolded me, tore it up, and immediately issued a complimentary breakfast coupon…I got my half off on-the-clock employee discount and paid with my gift card, so the restaurant wasn’t showing much of a profit over the state and district commanders invasion.
Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1630 Saturday until 2130 Saturday..5.0 hours for the day – not too bad for a day with a district meeting – and 48.0 hours for the week, a good total considering, and the April weekly average of 52.2 hours must be considered a triumph.
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The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.
It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.
