The Daily Dose/February 13, 2022
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
The Sunday Bottom 5
A ranking of some things.
1. Russia– Just do whatever the hell you want, guys: hack our elections, cheat at the Olympics, poison opposition, invade Ukraine, it doesn’t matter as SB 5 pollsters remain “pretty sure” no one’s going to stop you…You and China can fight it out to decide what America’s national language is going to be after we collapse in a few years.
2. Kurt Zouma/NFL Pro Bowl – Rare European soccer player/professional all-star game joint entry…Yeah, kick a cat big European soccer star…You bad, you bad…The lousy cat probably had it coming to her by daring to be cute and loyal…SB 5 pollsters strongly suspect there are marriages with more hitting than occurred in NFL all-star game.
3. Donald Trump – The 3-hole staple, Trump remains a lying sexual predator who believes that 1) the moon is part of Mars and that 2) the Revolution was won by Continental Army securing British airports, ignorance almost beyond comprehension in anyone older than five…SB5 pollsters still curious as to which of these elements continues to impress adherents and secure their support.
4. Bob Saget– Autopsy revealed noted comedian died following head-bashing that doctor said was likely caused by falling backward and hitting head…No, this isn’t suspicious at all…Like you, SB 5 pollsters wondering if hooker paid to smack him around will ever be caught.
5. NFL – In change of policy, Commissioner/Head Shill Roger Goodell announces league “will not tolerate racism” after a century of tolerating it…Thanks, Roger Goodell!!!
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
Per policy, it’s Read Free Sunday (RFS) at The Diary. Enjoy.
The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow buys some hair care stuff. Today’s Diary.
Regular readers of this crap may – or they may not – recall ol’ Sparrow has been letting his grow out and the stuff on top is still standing straight up but soon its sheer weight will cause it to fall down…In anticipation of this, some Brylcreem was procured and, just for funsies, I bought some guy hair spray, too…Just to test it out…I’m happy with Brylcreem, but you’ve got to liven things up from time to time.
———
Click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device.
———
On This Date
History’s long march.
In 1935 – Bruno Hauptmann, charged with the 1932 kidnapping and murder of the 20-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh, is found guilty of first-degree murder by a jury in Flemington, New Jersey. Hauptmann had come under suspicion when he used a bill that had been used in the ransom at a gas station and the clerk – admirably suspicious -had written Hauptmann’s license plate number down. Hauptmann was executed at New Jersey State Prison in April 1936.
In 1932 – Canada wins the hockey gold medal at the Lake Placid Winter Olympics, earning a 2-2 tie with the United States in the final game of the four-team, double round-robin tournament. Canada finished the tournament with a 5-0-1 record, one game better than the US, who earned the silver medal with a 4-1-1 mark, its only loss to Canada in the opening game. Germany earned the bronze medal and Poland finished fourth. It was the fourth consecutive Olympic hockey gold medal for Canada.
In 1954 – Guitar Slim is at #1 on Billboard’s R&B Juke Box chart – a predecessor of today’s soul chart – for the third of 14 consecutive weeks with The Things That I Used To Do. It was the only appearance on a Billboard chart for Guitar Slim and the 14 weeks at #1 established a Billboard major chart record for most weeks at #1 for an act’s only chart single. The mark that was tied in 2012 by Wanz, who was credited on Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, which spent 14 weeks at #1 on the soul chart. Guitar Slim was born Eddie Jones in Mississippi and died at age 32 in 1959.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…[Jefferson] so deftly explained the peculiar, inexplicable institution [slavery] that to this day no one can figure out exactly what he meant.
Henry Wiencek
Master of the Mountain
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.
Billboard’s #1 soul song of 1983 was Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye, which spent ten weeks at #1.
Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.
How many Olympic hockey medals has Germany won? – Answer next time!
