Don’t even start. The Bottom Ten is free this season.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 16
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Though most teams completed their body of work for consideration in the final Bottom Ten survey this past weekend, the race for the ESPNCup – symbolic of collegiate Bottom Ten supremacy – still isn’t over as key games remain.
And veteran Bottom Ten fan(s) know the Conference of the Year race isn’t over, either. Though the MAC is, of course, the odds on favorite, some lousy Big Ten and SEC teams have games this weekend that could alter the race.
With most teams in the hunt for the final Bottom Ten survey not playing this weekend, the final NCAA Bottom Ten Survey of 2020 (2020) will move next Tuesday. This week your Bottom Ten pollsters are pleased to present a look at the key matchups this week.
This week’s thrillers:
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Vanderbilt at Georgia – In a season where running the table might not be enough, 0-9 Commodores need to lose and lose big to secure shot at first-ever B-10 title…Turn-of-century merging of Athletic, Student Affairs departments could see student chaplain deliver pregame benediction before handling long snapper duties.
Sun Belt Thriller of the Week: Louisiana-Monroe at Troy – See above…0-10 Warhawks can either lose and secure final B-10 medal stand berth or win and end promising season as just another one (1)-win team that (really) can’t stop the run. Or run the ball themselves. Or punt. You get the idea.
Lousy (Only) Service Academy Fiasco of the Week: Air Force at Army – Both teams have smacked around Navy so the Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness – won’t be at stake, but both teams will have to overcome recent Defense Department ruling requiring teams to replace footballs with hand grenades for all kicks.
MAC Thriller of the Week: Ball State vs. Buffalo, MAC Championship Game, at Detroit – One of the few MAC games played this season without any B-10 implications whatsoever…A lousy game where both teams have more penalty yards than rushing yards would help in quest for B-10 Conference of the Year honors.
Bo Schmbechler Is Rolling In His Grave: Michigan at Iowa – Win over Penn State costly, but Wolverines can send soon-to-be ex-coach Jim Harbaugh out in style with first-ever berth in final B-10 survey.
Up Next On ESPN7,285: Nebraska at Rutgers – Classic cross-over match-up between sixth-seed out of the west and fifth-place team out of the east…Huskers looking forward to establishing recruiting footprint in east for kids not smart enough to get into Ivy League schools.
Editor’s Note: Bottom Ten headquarter(s) received notice that Washington was out of the Pac-12 championship game after deadline and they were already off exercising their bar tabs and were unavailable to make changes to the column.
Meanwhile, Out West: Washington at USC, Pac-12 “Championship” Game – Title game for once-proud conference…In theory, matchup is set, though COVID-inspired changes could make it Oregon/USC, Washington/Colorado or Oregon/Colorado.
Lousy Rivalry Game of the Week: Purdue at Indiana, for the Old Oaken Bucket – Cancelled last week because nobody wanted to see it, B-10 pollsters phoned Big Ten (10) office to demand it be played because of its potential implications for Big Ten in B-10 Conference of the Year race.
Another Big Ten Thriller: Minnesota at Wisconsin – Another captivating Big Ten rivalry played for a wood/steel inanimate object, Wisconsin must lose for it to have any hope for ranking in final B-10 survey.
Remaining Pac-12 Games: Arizona State at Oregon State, Colorado vs Oregon at Los Angeles, Stanford at UCLA, Washington State at Utah – Buffaloes/Ducks dispatched to LA in case either is needed for Pac-12 championship game, while Cougars/Utes game so important it’s starting at 10:30 am out west, so as not to interfere with real games in other conferences starting later.
