The Bottom Ten is with our compliments in 2020. Enjoy.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 10
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Despite 2020 stalwarts Florida International and Nebraska losing games to COVID last week, it was still a busy week for Bottom Ten pollsters, as their patented B-10 TitleTrak Radar (TTR) spotted no less than six (6) unvictoried teams eligible for ranking this week.
And veteran B-10 fan(s), aware this is the tightest race for the ESPNCup in recent memory are absolutely giddy over the welcoming back the MAC to the B-10 race this week.
This week’s mess:
1. Vanderbilt (0-4; lost to Ole Miss 54-21)
Mitigating Factors: Commodores come back strong after coronavirus-mandated two (2)-week break with dutiful, strong home loss…Vanderbilt still smarting from turn-of-century decision to merge Athletic, Student Affairs departments as pre-med students – training for future duties fighting COVID – take player’s temperatures after every play, resulting in NCAA-record 5,285 delay of game penalty yards, zero (0) fevers.
FunFact: Despite 2020 field being strongest in recent memory, Commodores in prime position to shed worst-team-never-to-win-B-10-title mantle.
Next Loss: at Mississippi State
2. Penn State (0-2; lost to Ohio State 38-25)
Mitigating Factors: Nittany Lion fan(s) up and arms over losing top spot, ignoring obscure B-10 by-law – is there any other kind? – stating teams coming off by-weeks with a loss during a pandemic retain #1 spot…Nittany Lions strong early vs. Buckeyes, breaking out to 14-0, 21-3 deficits.still establishing B-10 street cred, 0-2 for first time since 2012 and only third time this century.
FunFact: B-10 pollsters still “pretty sure” Penn State should be allowed to make money off of major division college sports following Sandusky child molestation scandal.
Next Loss: Maryland
3. UL-Monroe (0-7; lost to Appalachian State 31-13)
Mitigating Factors: Warhawks threatening to run table in always-tough Sun Belt, earning eighth straight loss, their best losing streak since 2015 squad lost ten (10) straight…Warhawks thrilled to be breaking free of shackles of being part of hilarious Louisiana-Famous Dead Person joint entry with UL-Lafayette, who are sending B-10 regrets this year with curiously strong 5-1 start.
FunFact: Warhawk fan(s) ecstatic, as team in uncharted waters now, 0-7 for first time ever.
Next Loss: at Georgia State
4. Kansas (0-6; lost to Iowa State 52-22)
Mitigating Factors: Offense humming on all cylinder(s) in this one, producing seven (7) three (3)-and-out drives…Defense answers bugler’s call, too, giving up touchdowns on first two (2) possession…Jayhawks making big pitch for B-10 Team of Quarter Century honors, now working fifth ten (10)-game losing streak since 2010.
FunFact: With New Mexico back in action, Jayhawks must now share Interim Continental Cup – issued to team(s) with longest losing streak amongst teams actually playing games.
Next Loss: at Oklahoma
5. New Mexico (0-1; lost to San Jose State 38-21)
Mitigating Factors: Finally!!!…Lobo fan(s) wringing hands in anticipation as team’s quest for first B-10 title finally allowed to take flight…With only seven (7) games in 2020 – and only seven (7) chances to remain on B-10’s patented TitleTrak Radar (TTR), Lobos know every false start and turnover will be key in quest for B-10 glory.
FunFact: With ten (10) straight losses, Lobos now proud co-possessors of Interim Continental Cup – issued to team with longest losing streak amongst teams actually playing games…It is anticipated this treasured B-10 award will transition to Akron when the Zips begin their season this week.
Next Loss: at Hawaii
6. Texas State (1-7; lost to UL-Lafayette 44-34)
Mitigating Factors: Bobcats enter survey for first time in 2020 as classic Total Team Effort (TTE) sees defense give up 691 total yards while offense chips in three (3) interceptions, all leading to UL-L touchdowns…Only win came against UL-Monroe, though Bobcats could benefit from strength-of-schedule points should UL-M continue to lose…Or would, if B-10 pollsters ever figure out how to issue strength-of-schedule points.
FunFact: Though only win came in third game, Bobcats still with outside shot at Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in season that actually includes a win.
Next Loss: Appalachian State
7. Mississippi State (1-4; lost to Alabama 41-0)
Mitigating Factors: With only coming in opener, Bulldogs prime contenders for Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in season that actually includes a win – should, when, they lose out…Bulldogs can make big leap on patented B-10 TitleTrak Radar (TTR) with clutch home loss to Vanderbilt this week.
FunFact: Bulldogs current holders of Jefferson Davis Sword – issued to team with longest losing streak amongst Deep South teams who hired big-name coach in off-season who’s never won squat.
Next Loss: Vanderbilt
8. Big Ten
Mitigating Factors: Second consecutive win of coveted, weekly B-10 Conference of the Week award for Big Ten as one-third of conference still winless after Halloween…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” weekly award will start being issued to MAC once the wonders of their season begins this week.
FunFact: Even without non-conference games, Big Ten still managing to produce strong .500 mark in conference play.
9. Navy (3-4; lost to SMU 51-37)
Mitigating Factors: With service academies longtime favorites of B-10 pollsters, Navy back in survey following second straight loss…Midshipmen overcome strong start, getting outscored 30-0 in classic mid-game stretch…Midshipmen hampered as Navy Secretary’s pregame mandate to practice germ warfare on opponents results in entire offensive line being ejected for unsportsmanlike conduct.
FunFact: With loss to Air Force in hand, Navy still team to beat, literally, for Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness.
Next Loss: Tulsa
10. Illinois (0-2; lost to Purdue 31-24)
Mitigating Factors: With Big Ten loaded this year, Illini earn tiebreaker over other 0-2 Big Ten teams based on current best-in-conference five (5)-game skid…Though Illini never led, of course, they did make it dangerously close, turning comfortable 31-10 third-quarter deficit into being defeated only by a touchdown.
FunFact: Though still a long way to go, Illini fan(s) cautiously optimistic team can earn first winless season since iconic 1997 squad ran table at 0-7.
Next Loss: Minnesota
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Vanderbilt at Mississippi State
MAC Thriller Of The Week: Western Michigan at Akron (11/4)
More MAC Magic: Whoever Kent State’s playing
