The Daily Dose/October 3, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.
INSERT OWN POIGNANT LEAD LINE HERE: The news that President Trump and his wife have the coronavirus actually made us smile. Not because we were glad he has it because we’re not. Sure, President Trump is a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars and, of course, he has blood on his hands from his inept handling of the coronavirus, but we don’t wish this on anyone and if you’re reading this you better not, either.
But you have to admit it is rich: a man who denied and ignored and then lied about the coronavirus has come down with it.
Double Your Irony, Double Your Fun: Had Trump been willing and able to muster a timely and competent response he and his wife may very well not have contracted it and, perhaps, most of the 200,000-plus that have died might still be alive.
Get Out Your History Books: We were thinking lately about presidents that would have possessed the genius and charisma to pull off a timely and competent response and came up with these. We went as far back as FDR: FDR, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Ford and, probably, Obama. That’s it, really. We think everyone else would have been stymied by it, too.
The Bottom Line: You know, some adroit handling by us at the start and we have, as noted, a fraction of the COVID deaths we have now. But we didn’t get adroit handling, we got ignorance, denial and delay. Us citizens could have set our government aside and demanded better on our own, but we’ve decided to circle our wagons, our collective response as big a partisan and bickering mess as our government’s. We deserve better, of course, but we’re not going to get better until we start demanding it, both of ourselves and our government.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has a busy day at the Veterans Service Office.
It’s important here not to talk like a snake oil salesman and promise a vet three grand a month…You explain the process to him: there has to be an ailment caused in the service, there has to be a current problem and there has to be a doctor will say that the current condition is caused by the previous condition…Then you might have something…I told Josh to make an appointment with his VA doctor and tell them what you want and let’s see what the results are…
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Radtke calls Gaylon a stalker.
I then asked him if he bothered to know her break schedule. Dealers deal for an hour, then get a 20-minute break. With a minimum of effort, you can figure out when your woman will be at her table and when she won’t.
“Jesus Christ!” Radtke said. “You’re a stalker!”
I showed Radtke a palm.
“Information gatherer, young man.” I turned my palms up like they were a scale measuring something. “I merely aggregate various sources of information for my benefit. Information is power. It’s the key to the bachelor life.
“But you don’t even ask women out! You just stalk them.”
I raised an index finger.
“By choice, young man, by choice. There is no need for the commotion of a relationship right now.”
Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. – Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. – Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
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On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1995 – The verdict in O.J. Simpson’s murder trial is announced, one day after the jury announced to the judge it had reached a verdict. Simpson was found not guilty of the 1994 murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman, though later Simpson would be found responsible for their deaths in civil court. Interest in the case was such that long-distance telephone call volume declined by 58%, and trading volume on the New York Stock Exchange decreased by 41% in the moments leading up to the announcement.
In 1909 – Ty Cobb of the Detroit Tigers becomes the first player to win the major league Triple Crown, leading the major leagues in batting average (.377) home runs (9) and runs batted in (107). The feat was later accomplished by Rogers Hornsby (1925, St Louis Cardinals), Lou Gehrig (1934, New York Yankees), Ted Williams (1944, Boston Red Sox) and Mickey Mantle (1956, New York Yankees. 13 other players have won the Triple Crown for a particular league. Cobb helped the Tigers win the American League pennant, losing the World Series to the Pittsburgh Pirates four games to three.
In 1970 – Diana Ross is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the third and final consecutive week with Ain’t No Mountain High Enough. It was the first #1 solo hit for Ross following twelve #1 songs with The Supremes. The song was also in its only week at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and peaked at #6 in Great Britain. In 1967 a version by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell peaked at #19 on the Hot 100 and at #3 on the soul chart.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
The wise man has no ambitions. Therefore, he has no failures. He who never fails always succeeds. And he who always succeeds is all-powerful. – Gore Vidal, Creation
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The last diesel submarine in the US Navy was the USS Dolphin (AGSS-555) a research submarine that was decommissioned in 2007. The last diesel submarine warship was the USS Blueback (SS-581), which was decommissioned in 1990.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Who was the first player to win the Triple Crown in a major league? – Answer next time!
