The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 1
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™ 

If anything, the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – promises to be a dog fight from the get-go, with both defending champion Tennessee and defending runner-up Cleveland both riding six (6)-game losing streaks, while the Giants have lost twelve (12) out of 13. 

In other news, “This Week’s Clash of the Titans”, which for a quarter century has heralded the week’s worst NFL game, has been replaced with “This Week’s Showcase”. This Is Don Criqui Reporting – which heralds the second-worst game – is back, however. 

This week’s mess, as the nags preen before entering the starting gate: 

Editor’s Note: 2024 record, final ranking in parenthesis.  

1. Cleveland Browns (3-14; 2nd) – Third B-10 title definitely in crosshairs, as Browns look to ride momentum from 2024’s season-ending six (6)-game skid to another B-10 title…Young Browns hoping to get pointers from B-10 perennials Bengals in opener…Opening Loss: Cincinnati

2. New Orleans Saints (5-12; 8th) – Big question: will season-ending four (4)-game skid be carry enough momentum for strong 2025 B-10 start???…With wins over Browns, Giants, in 2024, Saints must learn how to lose their must-lose games for any hope at B-10 glory in 2025…Opening Loss: Arizona

3. Tennessee Titans (3-14; 1st) – Repeating as B-10 champs toughest feat in sports, but if anyone can do it, the Titans can because they’ve done it before (2014-15)…Sweeping season series vs Jaguars will be key…Opening Loss: at Denver

4. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-13; 4th) – Jaguars owner Genghis Khan called off summary beheadings of coaching staff after humiliation of missing coveted spot on B-10 medal stand, but took players’ kids hostage just to be safe …Sweeping season series vs Titans will be key…Opening Loss: Carolina

5. Las Vegas Raiders (4-13; 5th) – New coach Pete Carroll says team is committed to avoiding 2024’s late-season collapse, when they won two (2) of their last three (3), to take themselves out B-10 title contention…Opening Loss: at New England

6. New England Patriots (4-13; 6th) – Another team that brought in name head coach to help young, untalented team avoid late-season B-10 title hope-depleting win…October will be minefield, with consecutive games against Saints, Titans, Browns…Opening Loss: Las Vegas

7. AFC South – Defending B-10 champions in division???…Check…Jacksonville still in division???…Check and double check as AFC South has all ducks in a row for yet another Pete Rozelle Award – issued to league’s worst division.

8. Chicago Bears (5-12; 7th) – Bears another team which spent offseason soul searching after blowing B-10 title with win in finale…Still, though, there 31 other teams that would love to be heading into 2025 having lost ten (10) of eleven (11)…Opening Loss: Minnesota (9/7)

9. Carolina Panthers (5-12; NR) – Panthers fan(s) still up in arms over being left out of 2024’s final B-10 survey, have pledged to boycott feature until Panthers back on B-10 medal stand…With defense ranking Dead Last in most defensive categories last season, that could be fairly soon…Opening Loss: at Jacksonville

10. Cincinnati Bengals (9-8; NR) – Ranked here most of last season, at least until devastating five (5)-game win skid dropped them out, Bengals earn coveted #10 spot in Week 1 poll by (still) holding Worst Team Never To Win B-10 Title designation…
Opening Loss: at Cleveland

This Week’s Showcase: Las Vegas at New England
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Carolina at Jacksonville

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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 1
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™ 

With the two-time defending ESPN Cup winners and Bottom Ten perennial UMess returning to the fold, it is hardly a bulletin that the MAC takes center stage in the Week 1 Bottom Ten survey. With three teams – not to mention the conference itself – ranked this week, the MAC is (again) the team to beat – literally – in the quest for Bottom Ten glory. 

The showcase leads off with two-time defending ESPNCup champion Kent State – losers of an impressive 21 straight – taking top Week 1 honors, with UMess and Akron also expected to make a mess of things. 

This opening week imbroglio: 

Editor’s Note: 2024 record, final Bottom Ten ranking, in parenthesis. 

1. Kent State (0-12; 1st)
Mitigating Factors: Golden Flashes looking to be first team ever to win B-10 Triple Crown sponsored by the Holy Trinity with three consecutive B-10 titles, a feat that would have even Northwestern and Duke nodding in admiration…Title this year would be sixth overall – all this century – second only to Tijuana Tech’s eight titles, mostly during Eisenhower Administration.
FunFact: Golden Flashes playing for posterity this year, as B-10 coveted Team of the Quarter Century Award is their’s for the losing.
Opening Loss: Merrimack

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